


Crossed Wires

by alchemist17



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bilbo works in a bookshop, Christmas, Dorks in Love, Fili really digs books, First Dates, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sibling Love, Sorry not much bilbo, The Eagle and Child, a disastrous attempt at sexting, but hiding it, long suffering Dis, might be getting a bit explicit now, oh yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-09 02:10:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 28,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemist17/pseuds/alchemist17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili has a lot to deal with. University, trying to make new friends, his romantic feelings for his brother. When everything comes to a head, is he about to lose Fili and Ori?</p><p>Beta-d by the lovely phoebe-artemis</p><p>I'm over on tumblr, http://derpingtime.tumblr.com/, feel free to drop in and say hi!</p><p>(please note that this is now an abandoned work!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. St Giles

All around him was light, sound, and the crush of a crowd. Kili clung automatically to the back of his brother's checkered shirt. It was the one he'd given him for his birthday and it fit him exactly as Kili had imagined it would. Fili turned to grin at him, making sure he was okay. Everyone Kili had ever known could be here and he'd never see them. After the rides his head was scrambled; he could not trust the tarmac beneath his feet. His only anchor point was Fili, arms linked and leaning against him. The smell of greasy food drew him to the food truck, yellow light spilling out from the hatch. Kili couldn't remember what he asked for, what his brother ordered for them, just the pink of his tongue as he licked the grease from his lips. It seemed Fili was speaking. He dragged a hand across his mouth, smearing grease over his face. Nothing could be heard over the pounding music, the nonsensical dance tunes belted out by the rides. Even the faint creaking of the machines drowned out Fili's voice.

"Kili?" He reached for his shoulder, steadying him as he swayed.

"What?" Kili shouted.

"Kili?" His voice sounded far away and tinny.

"We gotta get you home." Fili kept a tight grip of his brother's sleeve as he led him home.

 

 

"How on Earth do you have so much stuff? I came here with half this shit." Fili grumbled, dumping the final box on Kili's mattress.

"I dunno. It doesn't seem like much." Shifting his weight to the other foot, he stared morosely at the boxes.

"Ah, once we get all your pictures and posters up, it'll feel more like home."

Kili ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't relishing the impending separation.

"Hey, what was that cafe you mentioned? In the Cupboard Market?"

Rolling his eyes, Fili sighed.

"It's the _Covered_ Market, numpty."

"You knew what I was saying." Kili frowned, folding his arms defensively across his chest.

"Yeah, you were close." He said, leaning in and elbowing Kili's ribs.

Reaching into his jeans, he pulled out his wallet.

"Here, I've got the loyalty card." Fili brandished a small yellow card. One side was covered in little red stamps, the other bearing a triangular logo and the word _Brothers._

_  
_

"What? What is this place? It makes no sense."

"Jesus Kili, it's just the market." Fili reached back to grab the front of his brother's shirt, towing him along behind so he didn't get lost.

"It's weird though, like they're like market stalls but they're not and it's inside-"

"Get over it."

"But it's like a medieval shopping centre," he continued, full of wonder.

"It's not that old."

The place was packed with people, tourists and students and locals. Kili glimpsed a wood carving shop, a butchers, with game hanging in the window, an Indian shop selling henna and saris and handmade notebooks with elephant dung paper and a sushi bar and a tiny newsagents. A giant open fronted counter ran down one side, selling Italian leather handbags, phone cases, jewellery made from pencil stubs. Kili wasn't looking where he was going and with Fili dragging him, he barged into a dozen people, followed by exclamations and curses in various languages.

"Slow down! I want to look." Kili tried to pull away, but his brother's grip was too strong.

"Look later. I'm hungry and we're just ahead of the lunch rush."

"But Fee!" Kili whined, eyes fixed on a chocolatier shop, all glass cabinets and fancy displays.

Rolling his eyes, Fili dragged him past and into the cafe.

 

 

Leaning forwards to make sure he was heard over the commotion, Fili ordered their lunch.

"Uh, can I get a BLT on white bread and, um, a coronation chicken on wholemeal, a Coke and a latte?" He held up his loyalty card.

The counter-girl raised her eyebrows. It wasn't like him to bring a friend. Or actually get lunch. It was normally coffee, three law textbooks and a laptop.

"That'll be £12.49 please." She pushed forwards a spoon on a block of wood, with a twelve painted on. "We'll bring it over when it's ready."

Kili wandered past to find a table. He picked one by the window, where he could watch the denizens pass by. A pair of teenage girls with milkshakes parted to avoid a man with a buggy without pausing their conversation. He couldn't see the opera singer but he could hear them, the hairs of his neck standing.

"Come on, I know Abingdonwas small but it's not like you've never seen a city." Fili sat down with their spoon.

"Can we get one of those pink milkshakes?" Kili pointed at a gaggle of tween boys with GAME bags.

"Moo-Moo's? Sure. I have a loyalty card for that too." He leaned back in the chair, glancing behind him. He normally sat in the corner, out of the way if his coffee failed and he fell asleep mid-essay.

"What, you have a loyalty card for everywhere?" Leaning forward to watch a trio of giggling Japanese girls take a selfie, Kili bumped his head on the window.

Fili snorted. "Pretty much. I'm a student. I even have a Tesco club card."

"You're joking."

He glanced at Fili. He was not.

"You're turning into Mum." Catching sight of their waitress, Kili turned back to the table.

"Well someone has to keep an eye on you." He retorted before thanking the girl. "There, you're the BLT."

"How much do I owe you?"

"Nah, don't worry about it."

Surprised, Kili looked up.

"You sure?"

"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't."

"Oh. Okay then. Thanks." Bashful, he looked down at his plate.

"Don't be daft. What was the point of working all summer if I couldn't treat you to lunch?"

"I dunno. Maybe eat?"

Fili rolled his eyes and took a bite of his sandwich.

 

 

An hour later, with a Kit-Kat and Dairy Milk caramel milkshake, Kili sat alone on his bed in his dinky room. He was the first to arrive in the house and it was silent. He hadn't managed to tune in his radio, internet access hadn't been set up yet and his iPod was buried in a box somewhere. Fili was probably busy with his own unpacking and their mum was working. Neither of them would have the time to talk. Lying down beside the boxes on his unmade bed, Kili ignored the tears that trickled onto the mattress.

 

 

In an unfamiliar room, Fili stared despondently at the framed photograph of him and his brother. It had been taken over the summer, neither of them looking at the camera but leaning into each other as they talked. He had others tucked in the back of the frame. Kili sleeping, Kili smiling, Kili laughing, Kili eating, Kili cooking. Just Kili. But surely he'd be busy unpacking. Surely he wouldn't have time for Fili now, with uni and all the new friends he'd make and soon he'd forget about their summer and their picnics and the fair. And Fili would be left with blurred memories of Kili's face at St. Giles swirled past around them, surrounded by the lights and music of the carousel. He wouldn't have time for his brother.  


 

 


	2. New Friends

"I did not eat your sandwich!" Kili protested.

"Well someone did!" The brunette yelled back.

"I don't even like that type of sandwich! Why would I eat it?" He gestured wildly at the fridge.

Narrowing her eyes, the girl folded her arms. She was inches shorter than Fili, but her carefully curled hair and 'natural' make-up marked her as someone not to go up against. Kili backed into the counter, averting his eyes.

"Just be sure you don't eat my food again." With a final glare, she left the kitchen.

"Bloody hell." Kili raked a hand through his hair, wincing at the tangles from his surprise nap. "I only wanted a cuppa."

He plugged in his Tesco Value* kettle and opened the box of tea bags. Not even bothering to remove the price sticker from his mug, Kili made himself tea and went outside. Another girl, with half her hair shaved, was stood outside smoking. She raised her chin at him. _What does that mean?_

"Hi." Kili ventured.

She flicked fag ash onto the pavement.

"Not from 'ere?"

"Not far. Just Abingdon." He risked a sip from his mug, finding it too hot to drink yet.

"Heh. You see that house, red door?" She pointed through the trees and beyond the fence.

"Yeah."

"I lived there. Way back when this land was a park. Before bloody Brookes brought every scrap of grass."

He inclined his head, not sure what to say. The girl's old house had a for let sign outside. Thankfully she stubbed her fag out with the toe of her scruffy old Converse.

"I'm Sasha."

"Kili."

"Funny name."

She went indoors, leaving Kili with a too hot cup of tea and the stench of cigarettes.

 

 

He went to sit on the grass, leaning back against a tree. It was a horse chestnut sapling, not even bearing conkers yet. Kili looked up at the few leaves and the top of the tree's protective cage. _What happens when the tree outgrows its cage?_ Pulling out his phone, he opened it with on hand and flicked awkwardly through his photos. A couple shots of his room to send his mum, one of the broken socket to show the caretakers... _That's better._ The photos of him and Fili from lunch. He always looked so damned perfect. Even that time Kili walked in on him having a half-hour marathon shit.

"Boyfriend?"

Kili jumped and spilt tea over his crotch.

"Shit. These were clean on and all." He looked up at the ginger kid. "You even old enough to go here?"

"I turned 18 two months ago." Pulling his chunky knit jumper down over his hand, he gestured at the phone. "He your boyfriend?"

Kili looked at his phone. Still Fili trying to fit three entire cookies in his mouth.

"Pfft. I wish."

Ginger sank down beside him, spindly legs peeking from the bottom of his purple jumper.

"I'm Ori." He offered his hand.

_Who even shakes hands these days?_

"Kili." Taking his hand, they shook politely.

Tucking his phone away, he took a sip of his tea. Finally cool enough. The kid was carrying a battered old leather satchel with various initials burned into it. He seemed nice enough, even with the measly bum-fluff on his chin. Nothing like the lovely stubble Fili grew.

"So, have you been here long?" Kili asked. The damp patch on his jeans hadn't dried but it wasn't hot anymore.

"Native. Been here longer than half the uni's buildings." Ori answered.

"So I've heard. What is it with all the new buildings?"

"Very popular place to study, Oxford is. Most of the students are from overseas." He shifted, after a more comfy spot. "When did you get here?"

"This morning. Already been accused of eating someone's food."

"Damn. Bad luck mate. Someone thought I'd had the bog roll."

"And had you?"

"Yeah. That's beside the point though."

Kili laughed. He spilt his tea over his jeans again as he clutched his stomach. Ori glanced sideways at him.

"No-one told me to bring any." He said defensively.

"No, no, I'm just a bit wound up."

Clapping a hand on his shoulder, Ori leaned towards him.

"You know what'll solve that?"

"Is it alcohol?"

"It's alcohol."

 

 

Kili squinted at the sun, pulling his sunglasses from his bag and putting them on. He and Ori had ending up drinking until midnight. Turned out the pub they went to, The Eagle and Child, was staffed by his brother Dori and Nori, as well as his cousin Bombur in the kitchen. Dori had been very pleased his brother had found a friend and plied Kili with free beer as he told him embarrassing stories. Kili had never wondered what five-year-old naked Ori looked like, but now he knew.

"So who did you get drunk with last night?"

"What?"

"It's September in England. You don't need sunglasses. You have a hangover." Fili didn't look up from his giant law textbook. He had also been up until midnight completing homework he'd procrastinated all summer.

"Yeah, okay. I got drunk."

_It seems Kili does have time for other people._

"I was sat outside and met this kid called Ori. Took me to a pub, his brothers gave me free beer."

"Not bad. Did you remember to drink lots of water?"

"Nah."

"Kili, if you spend too much time getting pissed and not enough time eating and drinking properly, you'll get sick. I'll never hear the end of it."

Lying back on the grass, Kili stared at the sky.

"That cloud looks like a dick."

"No it doesn't."

"You haven't even looked."

Fili looked.

"It kinda does, actually."

"Told you."

Like a demanding cat, Kili pushed his head under the law textbook and onto his brother's lap. He took his sunglasses off and made himself comfortable.

"Kili, I've got reading to do." He tried to sound annoyed, but was sure he came off as amused.

"We came out here to spend time together. I'm hung-over. You have reading to do. Just pet my head 'til I fall asleep then prop the book on my shoulder." Kili pressed his head against his stomach, nosing at his thigh.

Rolling his eyes, Fili tugged the hairband out of the dark hair and pulled it on his wrist. He started to finger comb Kili's hair, as they did when they were children. It always made Kili sleepy and within minutes he was snoring quietly.

And... _Seriously?_

Drooling.

Fili decided to take some photos. Could be good for blackmail. When he looked back at them, he was struck by one of Kili's face resting against his leg. Without context, it could easily be a photo taken by someone as they laid beside him in bed.

_Maybe someone has already seen him like this,_ a voice spat.

He was taken back. Kili was a bit of a flirt, he'd always had a lot of female friends, but surely he hadn't. Surely no-one had lured his baby brother into their bed.

_That's called envy, you know. Also incest, illegal, immoral._

That didn't matter. How he felt didn't matter. Fili would never tell anyone, never compromise his brother's happiness. Kili always did anything he could to make him happy. And this was the one thing he could never know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tesco is a supermarket so they have their own brand products, then there's Tesco Value which is even cheaper and the kettle would be like a tenner.


	3. Nettle Soup and Mushrooms

It was 10:00 am. Kili's alarm was blaring and he jolted awake from a cosy dream.

"Holy shitballs."

He and Ori had a lecture. He had agreed to meet Ori at 10:10 so they could walk together. It seemed he would have to do some kind of anime protagonist dash to get ready on time. Or just not brush his teeth or have breakfast and pee before he entered the lecture hall. Throwing his duvet aside, Kili clambered out of bed and frantically sniffed at the clothes on his chair. Didn't vomit. Wearable. Pulled his unbrushed hair into a bun. Kili grabbed a packet of crisps and his backpack from the floor and hurtled out of his room.

It was going fine until sandwich girl-Megan-barred his way.

"Urgh, did you even brush your hair this morning?" She sneered.

"I'm late, I gotta go." Pushing past, Kili opened the door.

"Kili! Come on, we're gonna be late!" _Jeez, could the kid's bag get any bigger?_

"Chill Ori, so will everyone else."

Sasha peered round the door frame.

"Back off, Megan. We got plenty o'shit to deal with without you."

"This has nothing to do with you, trash."

"Oh, I am gonna tear those extensions outta your empty head." Sasha stubbed out her cigarette and shoved past Kili.

"Kili!"

"But they're going to fight!"

"No time for that." Ori seized the front of his shirt and pulled him out of the door.

 

 

Staring down at the page, Kili poked his tongue out. His handwriting had never been very tidy and he wanted this to look nice. _Kili Durinson and Fili Lawson_ in a heart surrounded by smaller hearts.

"Kili, pay attention!" Ori hissed in his ear.

"I'll get the notes off you later." He whispered back.

"What if I refuse?"

"I'll tell Dori I caught you getting high."

"You little-"

"Oi! Pipe down or get out!" The lecturer called.

Ori blushed and sat up straighter, leaving Kili to his wistful doodle.

 

 

 _Fancy looking place,_ Kili thought as he knocked on the door. The window was stained glass, leaves and trees and strange animals.

"An’ who would you be?" The door opened and a bear of a man filled the doorway.

Kili jumped.

"Come on, I dun ‘ave all day."

"Uh, I'm, uh-"

"Kili! Nice to see you didn't get lost." Fili emerged from the bathroom with a towel round his hips and another on his shoulders.

_Sweet Jesus, when does he find the time to work out?_

"That was one time." Kili objected.

The hall was square with doors leading off to the other rooms. Opposite the door, the wall was covered in various cracked, paint-splattered mirrors. They offered a very nice view of Fili's back.

"Kili, this is Beorn, my landlord." Beorn stood an impressive eight inches taller than Kili, dirty blond dreadlocks sticking out at various angles.

"Well, come on in, dormouse."

"Dormouse?" Kili asked, puzzled.

"Y’skinnier than polecat."

"Polecat?"

Beorn gestured at Fili, cleaning his ears in one of the less broken mirrors.

"Y’want anything? Nettle soup, elderflower cordial, mushrooms?"

"Mushrooms?"

"No mushrooms for Kili." Dragging Kili into his bedroom, Fili shut the door behind them.

Kili's phone vibrated. Ori, as expected, nagging him about missing the lecture. He turned it off.

"So. He seems..." He waved his hands vaguely.

"He's a bit odd, but he's nice. The nettle soup isn't half bad." Fili wrapped a towel round his head in a turban.

"You've tried it?" Kili asked in surprise, sitting down on the bed. His favourite hoodie of Fili’s hung on the back of the door, the one with the cityscape on it. Maybe he could tell Fili he'd forgotten to pack a second hoodie and got his mucky.

"Yeah.  Stuff grows everywhere down the garden."

Leaning back against the wall, Kili looked round his brother's room. It was oddly shaped, sharing half of the bay window with the room next door. All Fili's books were on shelves under the desk, pens in the pot Kili had made him from kitchen roll tubes. He obviously didn’t spend much. His radio alarm clock was the one Thorin had brought him for his thirteenth birthday. _Why did Fili buy me lunch if he's so thrifty?_

"Wake up, it's only ten in the morning." chuckled Fili, throwing his towel at Kili's face.

_Which towel?_

Fili turned to look in the mirror while he dried his hair. They had grown up together and shared baths, paddling pools and even showers on a few rushed mornings. But Kili had never gotten such a good view of his older brother's body before. He’d always been better defined than Kili, stronger but more compact. His shoulders and chest tapered into a narrow waist and his shoulder blades stood out in clear contrast to the furrow of his spine.

_What would he feel like beneath my fingers? It would be so easy to hook my legs around his waist, to wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold his body against mine._

Kili absently bit his lip at the thought.

“So how was your first lecture?” Fili pulled some underwear from a drawer, bending to put them on.

Kili’s jaw dropped. He quickly shuffled to cover his lap as the blond turned around.

“Hello? Lecture?” Fili waved a hand in his face.

“Oh. Oh yeah. Right.” He pushed his hair back from his face as he sighed. “If I’m honest, it was boring as hell.”

“And if you’re not honest?”

“It was enlightening!” Kili thrilled sarcastically.

Fili pulled on his baggiest joggers and an old paint splattered shirt before flopping down onto the bed.

“It’s hard to settle into it. The thought of sitting there and listening to some old bloke nattering about laws until me arse went numb wasn’t appealing. Still isn’t.” He reached for a can of energy drink by his bed and shook it.

“Really? I thought it would’ve been right up your alley.”

They elbowed each other as they tried to get comfy.                                                              

“Books are fine. But the lecturers try to impose their way of thinking and I hate it. When you read the book, you can form our own opinion.”

“That’s actually pretty smart, coming from you.

Fili downed the last dregs from the can, crumpled it, and threw it towards the bin. It bounced off the rim. Kili burst out laughing.

“Knock it off, Kee.”

Kili slapped his thigh.

“Okay get over it now.”

Kili curled into a ball.

“You little shit.”

The door opened. Suspiciously coloured dreadlocks entered the room several inches before the rest of Beorn did.

“D’you give ‘im the mushrooms?”

“I missed the bin.” Fili gestured at the can on the floor.

Beorn started laughing.

“Bastards. The pair of you, bastards .”


	4. Kili's Confession

Fili waved goodbye to Beorn as he headed out the door. Tucking his thermos of coffee into his bag, he pulled out his iPod, a gift from his mum when he went to uni.

He was headed to the Oxfam bookstore on St. Giles. Bilbo, the manager, had called him about a couple of 1950’s law books that had just been donated by an elderly lady. It may take him almost an hour, but it would give him plenty of time to think about the feelings he thought he had buried.

 

 

“I think you should say hi to that third year you keep eyeing up.” Kili said nonchalantly, stirring sugar into his latte.

Ori choked on his cappuccino.

“You mean that one with the Mohawk?” He wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“Yeah. I swear I’ve seen him checking you out.”

He made a face like he was sucking on a lemon.

“I’d like to, sure. But if my brothers found out they’d go bonkers. Maybe he’d look good with scars but I doubt he would want anything to do with me after that,”

Kili tutted.

“Shame. Looks like he’s good in bed.”

“Why do you say hi then?” Ori stared at the coffee stain on his sleeve like he’d forgotten where it came from.

“Nah. Ain’t really my type. Too big.”

“I know your type. Blond, pretty, oblivious to your romantic feelings.”

“Shut it.” Kili punched him in the arm.

“You should just tell him! I bet he’d great in the sack.”

Kili gasped.

“Back off!” He said hotly.

“Stake your claim then.”

“Fili isn’t property, he’s a person. I have no right to him.”

“He’s called Fili? You have matching names?”

“Fuck off, Ori.”

“Fili and Kili? Seriously? Gawd that’s so awkward.”

“I will tell Dori about mohawk dude.”

“You wouldn’t.” Ori’s eyes widened.

“Wanna bet?”

“No, actually. You don’t look like the kinda guy to do things by half.”

Grinning, Kili took a look draught from his mug.

“You’re right about that.”

 

 

“What have you got for me today then, Mister Baggins?” Fili asked as he walked through the door.

“Well, Master Lawson, today we have a complete set of tax and inheritance law books from the year of our Lord 1865.” He pulled the first volume out from under the counter.

The books were leather-bound, with the title embossed in gold on the cover and spine. Fili picked it up and sniffed it appreciably. Bilbo nodded in approval. A teenage girl frowned at them.

“Why don’t you open her up?”

They both leaned over the book excitedly. The pages were yellow, the font old-fashioned and the language Victorian.

“This is amazing.” Fili shook his head in disbelief. “You said this was a complete set?”

Bilbo lifted another four books from beneath the counter.

“Very rare. If it wasn’t for you, I’d have sent these to auction.”

“Jeez. How much are they?” He reach out as though to touch the book, but curled his fingers into his palm at the last minute.

“For you, thirty.”

Fili’s jaw dropped.

“Bilbo if you are shitting me I swear-“

Bilbo held up his hands.

“No shit.”

“You,” He pointed at the curly haired man. “are a saint. A lifesaver.”

“How does selling you a couple old books save your life?”

Fili just grinned and pulled out his wallet. He didn’t like spending money, but books were books.

“Wrap ‘em up. I’ll take them.”

 

 

A little hyped at having spent money, Fili decided to take himself to The Eagle and Child for a cup of tea.

_Do they even do tea? It’s a pub. An English pub. They’ll do tea._

Sure enough, the greying bearded man behind the bar nodded and told him to take a seat.

A few minutes later a mug was placed on the table. Fili was so engrossed in his book that he barely remembered to murmur his thanks.

“Excuse me; you wouldn’t happen to be Fili Lawson?”

Fili squinted up at the kid.

“Yeah. Why?”

The kid sat down opposite, pulling the sleeves of his jumper over his hands.

“You know Kili?”

Fili nodded and picked up his tea.

“He’s been skipping lectures to hang out with you.”

Fili choked on his tea.

“He seriously fancies you. Give ‘im a break and kiss him already.”

Fili hit himself in the chest in an attempt to breathe.

“In any case, get him back in lectures.”

Jumper kid stood up, Fili leaving to his tea.

_Kili fancies me?_

 

 

Kili, having successfully convinced Ori to say hi to mohawk dude and promised to lie to his brothers about it, was in high spirits as he knocked on Beorn’s door.

“Dormouse.” He rumbled in greeting. “Polecat got new books today, might not be that interested in talking.”

“Don’t worry. He’s always like that with his books.” Kili politely turned down nettle soup as he entered Fili’s room, closing the door behind him.

 

 

“What are you playing at?” His brother demanded.

Kili frowned.

I haven’t done drugs, no tattoos, no piercings and I can’t have knocked someone up.

“I dunno. What do you have to play in here?” He asked, thinking Fili wanted to play board games.

“Your friend told me. Ginger lad, works at The Eagle and Child?”

Ori?

“He said you fancied me, Kili. He said you fancied me.”

Kili pressed himself back against the door. Of all the ways this could have happened, he hadn’t imagined this.

“Kili!?” Fili grabbed his shoulders. “Why?”

Kili looked at him, eyes wide and face pale. He couldn’t get out of this, couldn’t think quickly enough.

“I love you.”

“Don’t try and soften me up.”

“No, I’m in love with you.”

Fili let go of him. Taking the opportunity, Kili wiggled out of the door and left the house before Beorn could find him.

 

 

When he got home, Kili collapsed face first on his bed. The hoodie he’d taken from his brother smelt like him and Kili couldn't summon the energy to take it off.

This I’ll keep. Now I've lost Fili, I could at least keep his scent.

He was angry at himself, at Ori, at Fili. He shouldn't have let himself miss a lecture, not one, especially after fighting for his place here.

Pulling the hood up to cover himself more, Kili wiped his eyes. He was weak, he’d always known it. His emotions easily got the best of him. Starting to cry, Kili curled up as tightly as possible to try and ease his pain.

 


	5. The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be going on a little break now, just so I can get ahead on the writing. Feel free to head on over to my tumblr to say hi or ask about the fic.

Fili stood staring at the spot where his brother had stood. He backed up to sit on his bed, hands fisting in his sheets. Surely Kili couldn’t mean it, not the way Fili wanted him to. He was confused, dealing badly with how little time they got to spend together now. And he had always been affectionate. Leaving a note for Beorn on his door, Fili grabbed his jacket and left.

He ended up back at The Eagle and Child. Ori seemed to be nowhere around thankfully. The grey haired guy at the bar checked his I.D before taking his money and plonking down the pint he’d ordered.

He’d loved Kili for years. Fili was sick, and there wasn’t enough drugs in the world to cure him. He’d never been fond of drink, hating the fog that descended and the way the ground rolled beneath him, but he needed to forget. He had to forget Kili’s face, how pale he’d turned and the earnestness of the words he’d spoken. _No, I’m in love with you._

Fili slammed the empty glass down on the bar. It was going to be a long night.

 

 

 

 

Kili’s mobile rang. He groaned blearily. Surely it wasn’t time for class already?

“Hello?” He croaked when he picked up the phone.

“Would you be Kili Durin?” asked a gruff voice on the other end.

“Yeah. Has something happened?” Kili looked at the time. 12.37am.

“We’ve got this blond lad who came in three hours ago and got very pissed. He can’t pee straight, let alone walk. You’re his emergency number, you need to come pick him up.”

“Oh god.” Why did Fili have to go and get drunk now?

“We’re closing soon lad. We won’t turf ‘im out onto the street, but we can’t keep ‘im forever.”

“Okay, okay. I’m coming.”

 

 

Kili haphazardly got dressed, wearing day old mismatched socks and buttoning his shirt up wrong. He scraped up a pile of change from his deck. Oxford was an expensive city, but hopefully he had enough for a taxi.

“Alright love?” Sasha asked as he stepped out the door. She was wearing someone else’s winter coat as she smoked, the tip of the cigarette glowing from the shadows.

“Friend got drunk. Gotta pick him up.”

“Jeez. How drunk?” She offered him the cigarette.

“Too drunk.” Kili took a puffed and nearly coughed up a lung.

Sasha grinned evilly. “What’s you say to ‘im? You don’t seem like the type to befriend binge drinkers.” She flicked ash to the ground.

He looked out at the road for a second. It didn’t seem wise to tell everyone, but Sasha was undoubtedly smarter than him.

“Said I was in love with him.”

Sasha choked on her cigarette.

“You telling the truth?” She sniffed and rubbed her nose with the heel of her hand.

“Yeah. At least I think I am.”

“Don’t worry. It’s hard to tell, even after years. Now go pick him up.”

Kili smiled sadly.

“Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Any time love.”

 

 

When Kili arrived at the Eagle and Child, most of the lights were off. The man stood outside had spiked up hair, a more fiery red than Ori.

“You here to pick up that drunk lad?” He asked, smoke from his pipe billowing from his mouth.

“Yeah. Is he inside?” Kili tucked his hands into his pockets. _Who even smokes pipes these days?_

“Yep. Drunk as a skunk, ‘e is.” The man tipped out the glowing remains of his pipe.  They died out on the pavement seconds later. “I’ll bring ‘im out.” He disappeared  inside.

A minute later, he brought Fili out. He’d managed to spill something down his shirt and the knee of his jeans were torn. Fili saw him and walked forwards, falling down the doorstep into Kili’s arms.

“Kili! You came for me!”

“Shh. Indoor voice.” Kili nodded his hands to the redhead and looped an arm around his brother.

“But we’re outside!”

“It’s late. People are trying to sleep.” Kili opened the door of the taxi.

“Hey, he isn’t going to throw up, is he?” The cabbie narrowed his eyes at them.

“Nah, he’ll be fine.” Bundling Fili into the car, he climbed in after.

“Oh Kee, you’re so wonderful.” Fili snaked his arms around his neck, pressing up against him. “So clever.”

“Quieten down now.”

The cabbie glanced at them in the mirror, but didn’t say anything.

 

 

“Dormouse? What’s wrong with Polecat?” Beorn asked, scratching his butt through his patched underwear.

“He’s just drunk. I’ll put him to bed.”

Beorn clicked his tongue. “Lightweight.”

Fili allowed himself to be guided into his room and plonked down on the bed. Kneeling down, Kili untied his shoes and placed them aside. Fili looked down at his brother, on his knees before him. He ran his hand through his dark hair, tugging Kili’s head back to look at him.

“Kee…”

“Let go.” Kili said shortly.

Fili grinned down at him.

Scowling, Kili pulled himself away. He wasn’t going to be able to get Fili’s trousers off him sitting down, so he pulled his arms around his neck and stood him up again.

“Oh, what’s going on here?” Fili slurred. He was obviously trying for a suggestive tone, but he just sounded sleazy.

Furious at himself, his brother, the colour rising in his cheeks, Kili undid the blond’s trousers. He’d been dying to do this for years, and now he was it was because Fili was drunk. Because of what he’d said. Fili leaned forwards against him, bringing their hips closer as Kili pushed his trousers down.

“Kili, come here.” Fili’s arms curled further around him, pulling their bodies together. “So good to me.”

Kili didn’t fight him. He could feel his brother was hard. _Because of me?_ There was no way to be sure, but Fili was right in front of him, wanting and pliant and-

Fili kissed him.

It was clumsy and wet but it was-

_Fili_

_His brother_

Kili pulled back.

“Fili-“

“You love me.”

“Fee-“

“I love you.”

_Fili loves him_

Kili let himself be kissed again, opening his mouth when Fili’s tongue asked to be permitted. It was like he’d never kissed anyone before and part of Kili rejoiced. Fili was his, pure and untouched and pressed up against him.

A door slammed somewhere.

Kili pushed his brother back. The blond dropped back onto the bed. Stepping back, Kili went to wipe his mouth but stopped. He wasn’t going to be able to taste Fili again, he had to savour this.

It was only when Kili was actually in a taxi going home that he realised this would destroy their relationship.


	6. Picking up the pieces

Kili barged through the front door, using his phone to light the little name labels on the door. He found the one reading ‘Sasha’. Knocking frantically until she opened the door, he barged in.  
“Hey-!“ she squeaked.  
Someone in the bed squealed and pulled the blanket over their head.  
“Jesus, you can’t just walk in. Do I have to put a sock on the door or something?”  
“Oh God, I’m sorry-who is that?” Kili tried to look around the door.  
“None of your business. What did you want anyway?” Sasha grabbed her dressing gown from the back of the door. “I’ll be back soon, love.” She closed the door behind him. “Go on, to the kitchen with you.”  
Kili trailed after her obediently.  
“Okay, you better have a bloody good reason for disrupting a girl during sex.” Flicking one of the kettles on, she took mugs from the cupboard.  
“Right. So you know I had to go and pick my friend Fili up?”  
“Your drunken beau?”  
“That’s the one.”  
“Cute rhyming names.”  
Sasha ignored the rude gesture aimed her way and continued making the tea.  
“So I told him I was in love with him and he went and got wasted and I had to pick him up from the pub and take him home and he was so bloody drunk I’ve never seen anyone so drunk let alone Fili-“ Kili took a swig of the boiling hot tea placed before him. “So I took him home and tried to put him to bed but he got hard and said he loved me and kissed me and I just ran.”  
Absently, Sasha picked up her mug and blew away the steam before she drank.  
“Hey, did you put sugar in this?” Kili asked.  
She nodded.  
“How did you know?”  
“Cause you’re sweet.”  
Kili snorted. “Barking up the wrong tree.”  
“Please. Like I’d date you anyway.”  
“Too naïve?”  
“Too male.”  
“Fair enough.”  
They both drank from their mugs.  
“So did you think whatshisname meant it?”  
“Fili. And I don’t think so. He’s always been really protective and done anything to make me happy. I don’t want to force him into this.”  
Sasha reached out to pat his arm. “Why don’t you try? See if he does mean it? What’s the worst that could happen?”  
Never speaking to Fili again, maybe never seeing my mum again. And I don’t even want to think about what Thorin would say.  
“I don’t know what to do, Sasha.”  
“Go sleep on it, love. Maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.” she took his empty mug.  
“Alright. Will you be here in the morning?”  
“Yeah. I’ll be here.”

When Fili woke, he thought something had died in his mouth. Why were his pants around his knees? Why had he slept in his clothes?  
Kili  
Pulling his trousers back up, he stumbled into the kitchen.  
“Gawd, Polecat. Y’look like Death warmed up.”  
Fili grunted.  
“I’ll get y’some soup.”  
Beorn bustled about in the kitchen, lighting the gas hob. He took a ready-made saucepan of soup from the fridge and placed it on the stove to heat up.  
“Alright. Tell me what happened.” Pushing a bottle of water at Fili, he leaned against the counter.  
“So there’s this guy,” Fili started, holding the bottle to his head instead of drinking it. “And I have been in love with him for years. Like I dunno, two years or something?”  
“Drink the water.”  
Fili unscrewed the cap and took a swig. “He’s perfect, y’know? All cute and bouncy.”  
Nodding wisely, Beorn stirred the soup.  
“And yesterday he told me he loved me, right? He’s been missing lectures for weeks just to hang out with me and I found out and had a go at him-“  
“Dormouse?” The landlord plonked a clay bowl of nettle soup on the breakfast bar.  
“Yeah.”  
“He’s adorable.”  
“I know right?”  
“Lucky bastard.”  
“But I don’t think he loves me like that. Can I have a spoon?”  
Beorn shook his head.  
“How am I going to eat the soup?” Fili asked, bewildered.   
Beorn made a drinking motion. Picking up the bowl, the blond attempted to drink from it. He spilt it down his shirt. No soup for me I guess. He put the bowl down.  
“Surely it’s just puppy love right? We spent the summer together and now he’s just dealing with it badly?” Pushing his hair back from his forehead Fili rested his head on his hands.  
“Well if you love him, and he thinks he loves you, what’s the harm in finding out?” Beorn asked.  
Holding the bottle to his head, Fili continued. “So after Kili said he was in love with me I went and got drunk and someone called him to pick me up and he tried to put me to bed but I got hard when he undid my trousers and then I kissed him and he just-“  
“Breathe.”  
“I kissed him and he responded a little but then came to his senses and pushed me away and just left and I don’t know how to fix this.” Fili rested his head in his hands.  
Beorn offered him a spoon. “Give him some time and then talk to him. It can’t hurt to give it a try.  
Shaking his head, Fili started to eat. “No. I don’t want him to feel obligated to love me.”  
“Why on earth would he feel like that?”  
He tried to slide down the banister to impress me and broke his arm, gave me his birthday cake cause I felt left out at his party.  
Fili didn’t answer, just slurped at his bowl of nettle soup.

“Kili, are you okay? You seem kinda…spaced,” Ori said, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
“You told Fili!” Kili snapped suddenly.  
“Oh. Yeah. I did.”  
“Why? Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Jesus!” Kili barely glanced up and down the road before crossing.  
Ori dallied at the traffic light for a second before running after his friend.  
“Kili, I was only trying to help.”  
“And I believe that.” Kili turned to face him. “But sometimes it’s better to leave things well enough alone.” He turned on his heel.  
“Kili-“ Ori grabbed his arm.  
Pulling away violently, Kili gloomed over the ginger.  
“Leave me alone. Leave Fili alone. Or so help me I will tell your brothers all about Dwalin.” Let’s see how he likes that.  
“You wouldn’t.”  
“You wanna go there, mate?” Kili growled.  
Ori shook his head.

There was a tremendous knocking at the door. Sasha rolled her eyes. Could a pair of girls not get forty winks? As the room closest to the door she could heard every coming and going. She pulled on her dressing gown and went to answer.  
“Kili lives here, right?” A frazzled and hung-over looking blond asked.  
“Bloody hell, not even so much as a hello?”  
“Well does he?”  
“Maybe.” Sasha leaned against the doorframe. “Who are you?”  
“I just really need to speak to him.” The guy insisted, peering around her as if Kili was lurking in the hallway.  
“Who. Are. You.” Sasha gripped either side of the doorframe.  
He paled.  
“Err, I’m Fili.”  
“Oh, the drunken beau. Come on in, I’ll make you a cuppa.”

“You know you’ve really upset Kili?”  
“I know, I know. I shouldn’t have kissed him.”  
“Oh kiss him all you like, but be sober next time.”  
I just have to be drunk forever then.  
Fili raked a hand through his unbrushed hair. It remained sticking up at a ninety degree angle.  
“Well I won’t be kissing him again, will I? He doesn’t love me.” He took a swig of boiling tea. “Is there sugar in this?”  
“Yeah. Two.” Sitting down, Sasha scratched at the shaved side of her head.  
“How did you know?”  
“That’s how Kili takes his tea.”  
Fili sighed, rubbing his eyes.  
“You boys got it bad for each other.” Actually, she found it pretty funny. They were both tiptoeing around each other, too scared to make the first move.  
“No, see, Kili just has a bit of an infatuation. It’s not real love.”  
“He thinks it is.”  
Fili’s face crumpled. I’m supposed to guide him through this. Console him if they reject him. How am I meant to help if I’m the one doing the rejecting? “I don’t want to hurt him.”  
“But you are.”  
“I don’t want to trap him in a relationship. When this crush blows over, he’ll stay with me because I love him.”  
“So you do love him?” Sasha perked up.  
“Don’t tell him that.”  
She sat silently for a minute, nibbling at her finger. “Okay. I won’t tell him.”  
“Thank-“  
“You need to do something about it though. Tell Kili yourself or tell him you can’t be together.”  
Fili cowered behind his mug for a second. “How do I know you won’t tell Kili?”  
“If I do, you tell him I’m sleeping with Megan.”  
Nodding, Fili drained his mug.

For once Kili attended a lecture, tried to pay attention, and even turned his phone off. He honestly couldn’t remember a word the old guy had said. Everyone scrambled the leave the room when the lecture was over but Kili remained in his seat.  
“Laddie? Are you okay?”  
There was a distinct snore. The lecturer sighed and shuffled out of the room to make coffee.

Kili’s arm was knocked out from beneath his head.  
“Wut?”  
“You need to get some sleep, preferably not in my lecture.”  
“Oh gods, I’m so sorry.” Kili took the offered cup of coffee, inhaling the steam.  
“Why are you so tired? Were you out partying last night, or doing whatever it is you’ve been missing lectures for?”  
“Ah shit, professor, I’m sorry.” He averted his eyes and hid behind his hair. “Is there anything I could do to catch up?”  
“I guess I could send you the PowerPoints.” The grey haired man didn’t seem at all surprised.  
Kili brightened up. “Really?”  
“Sure. I’ll just need your student email.”  
Tearing a scrap of paper from his notebook, Kili scrawled down his email.

 

Fili stuck his head round the door. He’d managed to catch Ori coming out of the building and got directions to their lecture hall. He needed to speak to Kili, to beg his forgiveness. Poking his head around the door, he caught sight of Kili talking to his teacher. Kili was grinning, leaning forward to speak to the older lecturer. Why is he flirting with that guy? He’s old enough to be our grandfather . The sign on the door said Professor Fundinson, English Lecturer. He looked nice enough but as Kili handed him a scrap of paper he felt a flash of jealousy. He’s not yours. You have no right. But it still hurt, and Fili turned away.

“I’ll send you those in my lunch break. And try to get some more sleep, laddie.” Professor Fundinson started to tidy his desk.  
 


	7. Voicemail

_“Kili, it’s Ori. I saw you at the lecture but I couldn’t catch up with you.”_

_“Kili, it’s Ori. It’s been a week. Sasha just turns me away at the door and that brunette girl just slams the door in my face.”_

_“Fili says he hasn’t heard from you for two weeks. I’m worried, he’s worried. Call someone.”_

_“Kili, it’s me. Can we just talk? Or text or email or even send letters, I don’t care. If you won’t talk to me, at least talk to Mum. She’s worried. Okay. Bye. Oh, it’s Fili. Bye.”_

 

“Are you ever going to talk to them again?” Sasha nudged Kili with the trolley when he didn’t answer.

“Uh,” Kili chucked toilet roll in. “I guess I’ll have to talk to Fili again someday. Like at his graduation or something like that. Ori? Never.”

“Don’t be such an arse.” They turned into the next aisle. “Fili obviously wants to talk to you, despite the fact you fancy his pants off.”

Sighing, Kili looked at the list again.

“The last thing is dinner tonight.”

“You can chose,” she started.

“Oh yeah pi-“

“If you call one of them.”

Kili’s face dropped.

“I don’t mind who, but I have to be in the room to make sure.” Sasha checked her nails absently. “Or we can have tofu for dinner.”

“I’ll call Ori when we get home.”

 

Ori’s phone rang. He looked sideways at it suspiciously. Kili’s contact image was on the screen. He picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

_“Ori, hi, it’s Kili.”_

**_“I made him call.”_ **

_“Shut up. Anyway, would you like to go out for a drink?”_

**_“No, you carry out an entire conversation first or no pizza.”_ **

_“Screw you Sasha, I can eat out.”_

**_“Fine. But Ori needs to report back to me.”_ **

_“Stop meddling.”_

**_“Well if you grew a pair and talked to Fili I would butt out.”_ **

_“Jesus. Ori, The Eagle in forty minutes.”_

**_“Kili don’t you hang up that ph-“_ **

Ori looked at the phone. The call had ended.

“So, are you going?”

“I dunno, Dwalin. I thought he was my friend and he’s ignored me for a month.”

Dwalin scratched his head. “You betrayed his trust. I know you might not want to admit it, but you’re in the wrong here.”

Ori scowled at him. It was not impressive.

“Fine. I’ll go. But only if you take me to Nando’s.”

“Deal.”

 

 

 _“Fili, is Kili okay?”_ Dis sounded exhausted.

“Yeah, we just had a tiff.”

It was 11pm, and Dis had just gotten home from her shift at the hospital. Fili could hear her clattering around the kitchen as he typed away at his essay.

_“What happened? That’s not like you two. Peas in a pod you are.”_

Fili rubbed one eye, then the other.

“I know, Mum. I’m not even sure what happened. I was drunk, I must have said something but he won’t speak to me.”

_“It must have been bad. I’ve never known Kili to shut you out.”_

“I don’t know what to do.”

Dis sighed. It was the kind of noise that always accompanied her resting her head against the wall. Fili leaned his head against his laptop.

_“Why don’t you boys come home for the weekend? You know I’m only a bus ride away. I could do a roast.”_

“I’ll be there. Could you ask Kili?”

_“Yeah. I’ll talk to him, see what’s wrong.”_

They both sat in silence for a minute.

_“I’ll see you at the weekend then. Good luck with your essay, pudding.”_

“Thanks. Night, Mum.” Fili put his mobile on the desk.

Maybe he should change his wallpaper. In hindsight it had been a bad idea to use the picture of Kili sleeping on his thigh. It was just so appealing, the way his entire face relaxed and his mouth was just open and he looked tired, as though he’d been thoroughly fuc-

Fili covered his eyes.

Not again.

 

Kili nursed his pint. He hoped Ori would show up, otherwise he’d look like a right tit drinking alone.

“Ori’s coming. He told me not to tell you, let you sweat a bit.” Nori said.

“So why are you telling me?”

“Cause it ain’t in his nature to be an arse and I won’t let him. That’s my job.”

Kili frowned.

It was another ten minutes before Ori showed up.

“Ori, who have you been making out with?” Kili eyed his ruffled hair.

“No-one. What? Is it that obvious?” Ori blushed.

“Go find a seat. You want a beer?”

“Nah, cider. Local one.”

 

“I take it things went well with Dwalin then.” Kili put their drinks down and helped to smooth his friend’s hair down.

“Very well.”

“So you like him?” Kili slumped down in the seat beside his friend.

“Oh yeah. Very nice. Really big and strong and-“ Ori made a show of feeling up his own biceps.

“Did you guys-?” Kili made a little thrusting motion with his hips.

“Kili! It’s only been a month since our first date!”

“But did you?”

“We did something. Not much, but we both got off.” Ori admitted, blushing violently.

Kili high-fived him. They took a long draught from their glasses.

“So are you going to apologise?” Leaning back, Ori folded his arms.

“I’m sorry that I ignored you. But you shouldn’t have interfered.”

“I’ll admit, it was a shitty idea and I’m sorry.” Ori ran a hand through his hair, further mussing it.

“Eh. Wotcha gonna do about it?”

They both shrugged, and took another swig.

 

_“Kili, you are upsetting your brother.”_

“Tough. He upset me.”

_"What happened? I've never known you two to fall out for so long."_

"I was-um-skippingsomelectures to hang out with friends and Fili found out-"

_"You've been skipping lectures?!"_

"Only a couple. They weren't important."

_"Kili! This isn't some stupid field trip you can miss. This is your future."_

The only future Kili was interested in was with Fili.

"I know, Mum." Kili sighed.

_"Don't be like that. Now what did Fili say?"_

"He said I needed to forget about friends and concentrate on my studies so I could become a recluse like him."

_"Is that really what he said?"_

"It's what he meant, and that's more important than what he actually said."

There was a dull thud, as though Dis had bashed her head against the wall.

_"Anyway, you two are coming home for dinner on Sunday."_

"Well this is the first I've heard of it." Kili checked the instructions on a can of soup.

_"Come up on Friday evening, stay ‘til Sunday afternoon. Thorin will be here."_

And so would Fili. And he was the only and last person Kili wanted to see .

"I'm not sure. I've got a lot of work to do."

_"One weekend won't hurt. And you and Fili need to talk."_

"Alright." Kili set the timer on the microwave. "I'll be there." And he hung up the phone

"Rude." Dis muttered to herself.


	8. Going home

"My mum's making me go home this weekend," Kili announced.

"Shit," Ori and Sasha said together, stirring sugar into their tea in a weirdly synchronized display.

"Don't do that. Freaks me out."

Kili scratched his chin as he read the writing on the walls. Alright, Brothers was a café but who decided they needed facts about coffee on the walls?

"Oh, Fili came by to talk to you." Sasha prodded gingerly at her nose piercing.

"Don't touch it," Ori chided.

"Fili came over? Fili came to the house and asked for me?" Kili squeaked.

"Yeah. You were at a lecture," Sasha stated.

"What did you say? What did you do? What did he want?"

"He asked where you were, I invited him in for tea, we talked, he left."

Kili buried his face in his hands.

"He's rather handsome, isn't he?"

Ori nodded. They took a synchronised sip of tea.

“No, what did he say-the exact words.” Pointing at Sasha, Kili did his best to look menacing.

“He loves you. Thinks you just have a crush that will blow over and doesn’t want to trap you in a relationship.”

“He told you he loves me?”

“Uh-huh.”

“He said that?” Ori asked.

“I swear upon Tigerlily*.” Sasha placed her hand over her heart.

“Do you hear that Kili? You have to just go for it,” the ginger enthused through a mouthful of cake.

Kili shook his head. “It’s more complicated than that.”

Sasha and Ori glanced at each other, but dropped the subject.

 

Fili stepped of the bus, swinging on his backpack. He was meeting Dis for lunch, in the tiny tucked away café where he and Kili used to share a Coke and a slice of cake after school on Mondays. Kili hated Mondays.

“Ah, my pudding.” Dis pulled him down to kiss his cheek.

“Muuuuum, people know me here.”

“Oh, I don’t care. It’s not every day my baby comes home.” She took his hand and led him down the street.

“Kili isn’t here yet.”

“We shall discuss Kili in a minute.”

_Shit._

 

“So what happened?” Dis asked

“What did Kili say?”

She pulled his plate away from him. Fili looked distraught, clutching his cutlery.

“He said that you found out he had been skipping lectures and had a go at him.”

“Had a go? That’s an exaggeration.” He reached for his plate but Dis slapped his hand away.

“Kili never liked getting you in trouble. He didn’t liked telling me that much.” Dis starting tucking into her own lunch.

Fili sighed. “Kili was skiving to hang out with me.”

Dis pushed his plate back. “Did you know?”

“Not until his friend told me.”

“Okay. Now what did you say to him?”

_Think like Kili. What would he say?_

“I said he needed to sort out his priorities.” He took his first bite of pizza, closing his eyes to savour the taste. In most things Oxford had the upper hand but pizza was not one of them.

“I know.”

Fili choked on his pizza.

_Holy shitballs_

“Know what?”

_Oh fuck oh fuck what happened what did Kili say is it that obvious_

“It’s okay, pudding.” Dis took his hand. “I’ve known for a while.”

_Of course, she always read me easily._

“You’re not mad?”

“You’re my son. I love you.”

_What the fuck?_

“So do you have a boyfriend?”

_Oh_

Kili stared out of the window. His iPod wasn’t doing much to calm his nerves, the shuffle playing only heavy metal or break up songs. He didn’t know what he wanted to listen to and in the end pulled his headphones out. Checking the time, he saw he had a missed call from Fili. Kili swallowed, chewing his finger nervously. He called Fili back.

_“Kili?”_

He almost hung up. Fili sounded hopeful yet absolutely terrified.

“Fee.” he breathed. On instinct he clutched the hem of his hoodie, something he used to do when he was too embarrassed to hold Fili’s hand but didn’t want to get lost.

_“Mum thinks I’m gay.”_

“Well aren’t you?”

_“I’m not sure. No experience.”_

“You mean-“

_“We are not talking about that.”_

He could hear Fili sigh and knew he would be rubbing the back of his neck.

_“Look, I’m sorry. I was drunk and I shouldn’t have ki-tried that and I hope you can forgive me.”_

“Fili, you don’t have to be sorry. I lo-“

_“Don’t! Don’t say it again.”_

“I won’t lie. I know how I feel.” Kili was getting funny looks.

_“We can’t, Kili. It’s illegal.”_

“So was that time we stole cigs from the newsagents and tried them behind the bike shed.”

_“That comparison makes no sense! Go meet someone else, kiss them. You will get over this puppy love you have for me.”_

“Stop it! Don’t brush me aside! Do you have any idea how awful it was when you left? You hurt me Fili; and now you’re doing it again!”

_“It’s so I don’t hurt you in the future. A little pain now saves you a lifetime_ _.”_

“Don’t you dare! At least talk to me ab-“

Kili looked at the phone.

_Bastard_

“Kili.” Thorin shook his hand.

“Uncle Thorin.”

They regarded each other for a second.

“Come ‘ere.” Thorin grabbed him, lifting him up as they hugged.

“Stop it, I’m eighteen now.”

“You’re still my nephew and I know you like my hugs.” Putting him down, Thorin picked up his bag. “Come on. Dis lent me the car and we’ve got shopping to do.”

 

“So your mum tells me you and Fili have been arguing. Something about you skipping lectures?” Thorin chucked toilet roll into the trolley.

“That’s a lot of loo roll.”

“You know how much Fili uses.”

Kili made a face.

“Now stop changing the subject. Answer the question.”

Sighing, Kili rested his chin on the trolley. “I was skipping lectures to hang out with a guy.”

“Do you like him?”

“I’m not sure if it’s like that. At least, not yet. He’s just a really great guy.”

Thorin placed his hand on his shoulder. “Alright. But don’t be skipping your lectures; they’re important.” He looked down at the list, squinting at his sister’s handwriting. “What does this say?”

“Haven’t a clue.”

“Well, crap. Do you want ice cream?”

 

Dinner was already on the table when they arrived. Fili dashed past them with a steaming dish.

“Dis! Where do you want the shopping?”

“Kitchen!”

“Kili, go hide the ice cream in the garage. You know your mum doesn’t like me buying you food.” Thorin shoved the tub at him.

He took the tub into the garage, chucking it carelessly into the giant chest freezer.

“Kili?”

Kili whirled round, backing up against the freezer. Wringing his tea-towel, Fili kept his gaze locked on the floor.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.” Kili’s fingers curled around the edge of the freezer. “If you have nothing new to say then go.”

“And I’m sorry me leaving upset you so much. I should have called you more, I should have come home more, I should have-“

“Will you shut up? I don’t wanna hear it.” Kili made eye contact briefly. He looked away rather than hold his brother’s gaze.

“Come on, Kee. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Shaking his head, Kili brushed past him.

“Wait.” Fili grabbed his sleeve. “I’m sure once more couldn’t hurt .”

“Fi-“

Fili cut him off. By kissing him. Gripping the collar of his shirt, Kili kissed him back.

_Filifilibrotherfilifi_ _-_

He was pushed back and left standing as Fili fled.

 

Something touched Fili’s foot.

_Probably just the cat._

“Smaug? Chicken.” Dis called over her shoulder.

Smaug came running in from god-knows-where.

_So not the cat._

It happened again. He glanced up at Kili but he appeared to be focused on his food. There came another nudge and this time when he looked up Kili was looking back.

_Did he just wink?_

Frowning (and blushing furiously, but he was not about to admit that), Fili went back to his dinner.

“You okay, pudding?” Dis asked, dropping another bit of chicken for Smaug.

“Kili’s kicking me.”

“I’ll show you a kick.” Kili lashed his foot out blindly.

Kicking back, Fili ended up hitting Thorin.

“Watch it, I’m trying to eat.”

“I will fart on your pillow.”

“Boys!” Dis poked Kili’s arm with her fork. “Stop mucking around or I’ll feed Thorin your pudding.”

“Yes, Mum,” they chorused reluctantly.

Kili nudged his foot again. This time, Fili nudged back.

 

“So what bullshit excuse did Kili give you for missing lectures?” Dis handed her brother a cider.

“Said something about hanging out with some boy he fancied. 8 out of 10 cats?” Thorin flicked through the channels.

“Nah. Can’t stand the host. Friends rerun?”

Thorin rolled his eyes. “We’ve seen them all three times already.”

“Tough. My house.” Dis plonked down on the sofa behind him. “Funny, Fili said Kili was skiving to hang out with him.”

“Kili was always real keen on him.”

“What you saying about my boys?” she menaced.

“Nothing like that,” he backtracked. “Maybe Kili just has a wee crush.”

“Eh. Wouldn’t be the first. Remember that lad, Azog?”

“Shut up.”

Dis grinned. “You would not shut up about him.”

“I am warning you.”

“All Azog did this today, Azog said hi to me today.” She patted her lap for Smaug, who curled up and glared at Thorin.

“Why didn’t you get a nicer cat?”

“Don’t change the subject. Do you really think Kili might have a crush on Fili?”

“I don’t know, sis. It’s possible, I guess. He did go awfully quiet when Fili left home.”

Thorin found a channel playing Friends. Selecting it, he dropped the remote and patted his sister’s hand.

“What should I do?” she asked, clutching her can.

“Leave them be. Something’s obviously happened and I doubt they’d appreciate us stomping about.”

“Okay, Thorin. Okay.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Tigerlily is a piercing and tattoo studio in Oxford. It's where Sasha would have had her piercing done.


	9. Breakfast

The wall between their rooms was thin. Kili could hear his brother stumbling around as he got changed. He knocked on the wall.

“Kili?” The blond called through the wall.

“Yeah. Can we talk?”

“We have phones.”

“Oh yeah. I’ll text you.”

 

 

Yooooooo

Hi kili

Well who else is it going to be?

Beorn maybe. Once he put weed in the soup rather than parsley and we got high.

Im telling mum

Dont be an arse

Fine. But dont lie about me kicking you again

Well maybe dont flirt with me where mum can see

Funny though

You said you wanted to talk?

Oh yeah. If you really think we shouldnt date then please stop kissing me its very confusing

Sorry

Youre not though

Not even a little

So lets date

We shouldnt. We really shouldnt

 

Whats the harm in it? We're both of age and youre not taking advantage of me

 

Im your big brother, im meant to protect you

 

Stop being so noble. And its not taking advantage of me if im willing

 

We cant. Im sorry

 

Fili stop your nonsense or so help me i will come in there and kiss you

 

I dont want to kiss you

 

You kissed me earlier and you werent even drunk

 

 

Fili didn’t respond. After a few minutes Kili got out of bed and crept along the hall to his brother's room. Slipping inside, he closed the door behind him.

"Kili, go back to bed." Fili hissed.

"No. You look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to kiss me."

Fili held eye contact, brow creasing.

"Kili, I don't want...I do not want to-fuck that." He grabbed the front of Kili's shirt, an faded old band t-shirt he'd thrown away, and pulled until they were eye to eye.

"At least let me sit down."

"Oh. Sorry." Fili released his brother so he could sit on the bed.

"Much better."

Slowly, as though the blond was an unruly horse, Kili took his face in his hands. He rubbed their noses together affectionately, a smile starting to form.

"You're such a dork." Fili said even as he responded, one hand going to his neck and the other to his shoulder.

It was only when their hearts started to speed up from the closeness, when they shifted to bring their bodies closer, that Kili pressed their lips together. Being kissed, Fili found, was very different to kissing someone. And kissing back was another thing entirely.

"You're not bad at this, for a beginner." Kili murmured when he pulled away to breathe.

"It seems to come naturally."

“That’s because we’re soul-mates.” Kili waggled his fingers in his face.

“Oh my god, Kee. You dork.”

“I’m not a dork. You’re the dork, you buy 50 year old law books.”

Fili grinned, wide and real, before he kissed the brunet.

“It’s much better when I’m sober.”

Giggling, Kili slid his fingers into his hair. He held their faces together so even when they weren’t kissing they shared the same air.

“Kili! You should be in bed, not bothering your brother.” Dis said, passing their rooms to her own.

“Shit.” They hissed together.

“Okay you gotta go-“

“I know, I’m going.” Kili stood up, running a hand through his hair. “Just give me a goodnight kiss.”

Fili leaned up to kiss him.

“Aww, you’re so sweet. Night, bro.”

“I’m not sure you should be calling me that in this situation.”

Kili pouted.

“Okay, you can but not too often.”

Beaming, Kili gave him another kiss before he scampered off.

 

 

Dis crept back down the stairs as quietly as she could.

“Thorin!” She hissed. “Thorin!”

“I’m trying to watch telly.” He grumbled from the sofa.

“Your eyes are closed.” Dis flopped down on his legs. “I was going to bed and I heard voices coming from Fili’s room. And I heard giggling. And someone saying ‘it’s better when I’m sober’”

“So?” Thorin attempted to free his legs.

“What if they got drunk and did something? And that’s why they aren’t talking?” She was trying to keep her voice down but couldn’t stop it rising in pitch.

“Dis, whatever happened, neither of them seem that cut up about it now. Remember when I ate your cake and you didn’t talk to me for a week?”

“Of course I remember. It was only last month.”

“You really think they might have done something?”

Dis scratched her nose. “I don’t know.  Maybe. Neither of them have mentioned any girlfriends, boyfriends, anyone they’ve kissed or even fancied. Not even when puberty hit.”

“Whatever is going on with them, and I mean whatever, they wouldn’t want us to intrude. It’ll only make things worse.”

For minute Dis made various faces, wringing her hands as she thought.

“Do you think things would have been different if-?”

“No. Not at all.” Thorin took her hand in his.

Dis smiled at him, but he knew that expression all too well.

“I’m going to go to bed.”

Thorin nodded. He could protect his sister from anything, except her own thoughts.

 

“Hey, Kili.”

Kili snored.

“Kili, wake up.”

Kili covered his face.

“I know what your fake snores sound like. I taught you how to do it in the first place.”

“What do you want?” Kili opened his eyes.

"Would you complain if I was coming in here to snog your face off?" Fili asked.

"No. But I don't think that's what you're here for." Sitting up, he attempted to pull his brother into bed with him.

"I was thinking we could go for a walk."

Kili grimaced. "You serious?"

"Yeah. Get some time away from Mum and Thorin."

"We only got here last night."

Fili wrung his hands as he sat down. "We need to talk."

Kili's face fell. "Oh. I thought..."

Taking his hand, the blond kissed his knuckles.

"I do want to be with you. We just need to discuss a few things first. Okay?"

"Okay."

Fili got up to leave.

"Fee? Can we get croissants?"

"Sure we can."

 

Half an hour later, a rather bushy haired Kili stood outside the bakery. He peered in the window, trying to point out the most chocolaty looking pastry to Fili.

"What is he doing?" Oin, the baker asked.

"Kili wants the best croissant." Fili leaned back against the counter.

The brunet was becoming increasingly agitated as Fili chatted to Oin.

"How's Gimli?" Fili wondered.

"Typical teenager. Up all night on Facebook or something and sleeps all day."

"Sounds great. Kili and I worked the summer and now we're swamped with uni."

"Get laid. That'll ease the stress. Don't make that face. I was your age once you know."

 

Fili didn't quite manage to make a straight face even as he paid for their breakfast.

"Are you okay? I haven't seen that face since Thorin gave us the talk." Kili took his croissant. "Ah, you got the right one."

"Oin told me to get laid."

"I could help with that."

Fili choked on his croissant.

"Prude." Kili thumped him on the back. "Where are we going anyway?"

 

"Do you remember this?" Fili asked. He could remember the last time they came here with their father, how he'd hugged them and told them he loved them.

"Ish. I know I've been here, at least."

The bench was cold beneath them. It bore a plaque, dedicating it to a woman who died twenty years ago.

"Come on. We are here to walk, after all." Fili stood up, hands tucked in his pockets.

Kili cleared his throat.

"What?"

"I want to hold hands."

"Someone might see."

"Fili, it's eight am on a Saturday. And anyway, Mum and Thorin hold hands all the time." Kili pointed out.

Fili made a face, but took his hand. They ambled along the nature trail, swinging their arms and grabbing sticks to poke each other with.

“So are we going to talk or not?” Kili bent down to pick up a particularly big stick.

“You gotta let me get the words in order.”

“Best get talking fast then.” Pulling away, Kili whacked his brother in the ribs and ran off.

Fili gaped. Seizing his own stick, he chased after him.

“Come on, Fili. Come and get me.”

“Kili, you absolute dick, that hurt!” He wasn’t going to be able to catch Kili. The younger had always been faster. But Fili was smart and knew him well.

He slowed, creeping through the undergrowth to hide behind a tree. Kili was lurking somewhere, he knew it.

“Fili…Fili…come and get me.” Kili singsonged from somewhere about him. There was a giggle and a rustle of leaves. Fili looked up too late and was knocked to the floor.

Perched over his chest, Kili rubbed his face against his neck like a kitten. They kissed, Kili’s mouth falling open for him easily. Fili rolled them over and pinned him down. He felt something was burning in him, fanned by the way Kili pressed up against him and pulled at his hair.

“Fili-“ he gasped as Fili pressed their groins together, one hand grabbing at his thigh.

Fili pulled back, fighting free of his brother’s arms.

“Fee?” Kili sat up, leaves in his hair.

Scrambling to his feet, Fili fled.

 


	10. Old Socks

Kili trudged home. The croissant had been too sweet for such an early morning and now he felt sick. It was starting to drizzle.

_What did I do?_ _I only kissed him, nothing we hadn’t already done. And he was the one who rolled us over._

He tried not to think about his brother pressing their bodies together, the hand gripping his thigh. Maybe if Kili got home quick enough, if no-one was awake and Fili was still AWOL, he could have some alone time.

 

Kili wasn’t that lucky.

“Kili? Where have you been?” Thorin asked, cracking an egg into the pan.

“Err…went for a walk.”

“Eh. Uni kids. Go wake Fili. Leave your mum.”

Tiptoeing up the stairs, Kili stood nervously outside his brother’s door. He knocked gently.

“Fili? Thorin’s doing breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I could bring some up?”

“I’m not hungry,” he said again.

There was a pause as Kili dithered

"I'm sorry, Fili. You wanted to talk and I mucked it up."

"No, you didn't. You were perfect. I messed up." Fili’s voice was muffled by the door.

"I should have just let you have your time."

"Kili, it's fine. I just feel kinda sick after chocolate so early."

"Me too. We'll talk after breakfast?"

"Sure. Just tell Thorin I won't get up."

When Kili's footsteps descended the stairs, the blond opened his door cautiously and ran to the bathroom to shower.

 

"Still asleep, huh? S'not like him."

Kili shrugged, prodding at his plate.

"Who you been rolling about with then?"

Kili choked on a piece of sausage.

"Wh-what?" he stammered.

"You have leaves in your hair."

"I was making leaf angels."

"Alone?" Thorin raised an eyebrows.

Rubbing his neck, Kili nodded vigorously. They went back to their breakfasts. It wasn't until they were washing up that Thorin spoke again.

"You know Fili came home fifteen minutes before you?"

Kili dropped the plate he was drying.

"It's okay, I'm not going to tell Dis."

"We aren't doing anything wrong-"

"Kili, calm down-"

"We haven't even done anything-"

"Kili!"

Kili flinched, backed into a corner with his eyes wide and face pale.

"It's okay." Thorin held his hands out to try and calm him.

He looked up and Thorin could see the terror in his eyes.

"I never thought anything would happen," he whispered, voice breaking in the middle.

Thorin pulled him into a hug, pretending he didn't notice as his nephew started to cry.

 

There was a knock on Fili's door. He quickly pulled a red-eyed Kili inside.

"What's happened?" he asked, sitting Kili down on his bed.

"Thorin knows." The brunet clutched the front of his shirt.

"What?!"

"It was the leaves in my hair and you coming home earlier than I did." Kili rested his forehead against his brother's shoulder.

"That's not very incriminating. How did you react?"

"I dropped a plate."

"Oh."

Kili's face crumpled as he started to cry again.

"Don't cry, Kee." Fili stroked his hair. "It doesn't matter, everything will be fine."

"Of course it matters!"

Laying them down, Fili held his brother against him and murmured reassurances. He tucked Kili’s face into his neck, stroking his back.

“He said he wouldn’t tell Mum,” Kili sniffled.

“Well that’s something. We can tell her in our own time.” He kissed the brunet’s forehead, the bridge then the tip of his nose before kissing his lips. “Whenever we’re ready.”

Kili kissed back desperately, pulling at his hair. His hands pulled Fili as close as they could get, legs tangled and torsos flush against each other as Kili tried to control his breathing.

“Kili, Kili look at me.” He waited until Kili’s shining eyes met his. “Everything is going to be okay. No-one is going to separate us.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

 

“Kee, wake up.”

Kili farted and burrowed into his brother’s armpit.

“Jesus, that smells.” Fili pulled his shirt over his face.

“Oh my fucking god Fili you arse oh my god-“ Kili shoved his face into the pillow.

“Evacuate the room!” Grabbing the brunet, Fili dragged him to his feet and out the room.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Dis stumbled past to the bathroom.

“Kili farted.” Fili took a deep breath of relatively fresh air.

“What’s he been eating?”

“Smells like road kill.”

Dis shook her head and left them to it.

“It’s not that bad!” Kili protested

“Then why are you covering your face?”

“Okay, it smells like road kill.”

 

They sat on Kili’s bed, the brunet’s hands folded in his lap as he waited for his brother to speak.

“Okay,” Fili cleared his throat "earlier, I freaked out because of the contact-" he gestured at their groins. "I've never touched or been touched by another person. I'd never even kissed anyone." He ducked his head to try and hide his blush.

"Oh. You're older; I thought..."

"I know, I'm lame."

"It's kinda cute." Kili pinned his hands between his thighs, like he had to stop himself reaching for his brother.

"Cute?" Fili choked, blushing down beneath the collar of his shirt.

"You're mine."

"But I think we should wait. Like maybe a year before we have-" he waved at their groins again.

"Before we have sex? I agree. How long do you want to wait to do other stuff?" Kili questioned.

"Other stuff?” squeaked the blond.

Kili raised his eyebrows. "Look, we can talk about this later if you'd rather."

“No, no, no.” Fili shook his head. “We can do other stuff, whatever the hell other stuff is, when it happens.”

Kili bit his lip. “You want to try something now?”

“Like what?”

“Tell me to stop if you feel uncomfy.” Kili crawled into his lap, knees on either side of his thighs, his extra inches meaning he had to bend his neck. “I don’t want to upset you again.”

“You didn’t upset me last time.”

Kili kissed him, arms wrapping around his shoulders as his brother’s arms wound round his waist. They broke to breathe, and Kili started to rock his hips down against him.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry. You’ll like it.” Kili got the angle perfect.

Automatically Fili pulled him down harder, gasping into his neck.

“Good?”

“Good. Kiss me.”

Kili obliged. Fili’s inexperience made him sloppy and they both fought to steal each other’s air as they rocked.

“Oh-“

“Fee?”

“Is that?” Fili looked down at their hips.

“I’m hard.”

“I did that?” Fili breathed, an awed expression on his face.

“You did.”

They kissed; one of Fili’s hands slipping to his butt to guide his movements.

“Kili, Dis wants you to-Jesus put a sock on the door.” Thorin covered his eyes.

“Oh fuck-“

“Fili, mind your language.” He scolded.

“Oh heck!“

“Much better. Kili, we need eggs. Dis is making brownies.”

“Brownies?” Kili scrambled to his feet, pulling old socks from under his bed.

“Oh my god Kili how long have they been there?” Fili backed away.

“Since before we left for uni.”

“No wonder your butt smells so bad.”

“Oh my god.” Thorin stepped away from the door. “Oh, if you’re going to be doing any of that, you should tell your mum.”

“After I get eggs.”

“Kili! It’s way too soon.” Fili protested.

“Don’t you want to do this more?” He thrust his hips at Fili, who blushed and made the most ridiculously shocked expression Kili had ever seen.

“Well yeah, but…”

“So we should get this over with before she walks in on us too.”

Fili still didn’t look sure, but he nodded. “I’ll go cook with her or something. Get her in a good mood.”  



	11. Milk and Brownies

Kili bounded through the door, almost dropping the eggs in his haste. He beamed at Fili and kissed him quickly. He received the frowning of a lifetime. Shaking his head, Fili tiptoed into the kitchen with his brother.

"Mum? Can we talk to you?" Fili asked. He was sure his voice was shaking.

Dis gulped, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Kili, make me a cuppa, love. Eggs in the fridge."

Kili scrabbled to the kettle as Dis motioned for Fili to sit down.

"Fili, I know what you're going to say." She reached across the table to take his hand.

Fili looked like he was considering gnawing his arm off.

There was a clatter as Kili skidded into a cupboard in his socks.

“Here. And I barely spilled any.” The mug was half empty.

“Thanks, pudding.”

Kili sat next to his brother, bumping their shoulders together affectionately and taking his hand under the table. Their mother reached out to take Kili’s hand. Thorin strolled in from the hall.

“Are you guys trying to talk to the dead?” Thorin started to drink milk from the bottle.

“Only slightly. Get a glass.”

“But I don’t want that much milk.” Thorin frowned back at them as he left.

“Mum-“

“Mum-“

“Boys-“

Dis sighed. “Okay, youngest first.”

Swallowing nervously, Kili laid his and Fili’s joined hands on the table.

“Oh God.”

“Mum, I would like to ask if I may court Kili,” Fili asked, sitting up straighter.

“What the hell was that?”

“I thought I’d be as polite as possible.”

“You sound like a knob.”

“Will you shut up?”

“Stop being such a dick.”

“Kili,” Dis warned.

“Sorry.”

“Now, are you two sure about this? You’ll cost me a fortune in ice cream if you break up badly. Not to mention I’ll crack your heads together.” She took the hands she held and joined them together. “But if that’s what you want, then I want you to be happy.”

Her sons pressed their foreheads affectionately. They had done it for years, since they were toddlers and thought that’s what kissing was.

“Oh, go on. I’ll cover my eyes.” Dis closed her eyes and covered them, slightly concerned about the amount of giggling and strange noises. What on Earth could they be doing?

“Oh, so now we have this in the open, what was your argument about? And Kili, why were you skipping lectures?”

“I wanted to hang out with Fili-“

“And when I found out, I confronted Kili-“

“And I just blurted out ‘I love you’ and-“

“I was all ‘don’t try and suck up to me-“

“And I was like ‘no I’m I love in with you-“

“I’m just ‘wtf?’ and Kili bolts and I went and got wasted-“

“I had to pick Fili up-“

“And then I kissed Kili and told him-“

“He loves me too-“

“And then-“

Dis held her hand up. “I know what happened next. Now, I expect nice formal ‘this is my mum, here is my uncle’ introductions.”

“But mum-“

“Nope. I want to do this properly, this is the first time my boys are dating.”

Neither of her sons looked impressed.

“Do you want to help make the brownies? Hey, pick your chairs up!”

 

“So how did it go?” Thorin asked that evening, pulling a pack of beers out the fridge and waving them in the air as they walked to the living room.

“She said if that’s what makes us happy, then we should go for it.” Fili managed to catch his can, but Kili’s hit him in the stomach.

“You turd!”

“The next you will hit you in the head.”

Cracking open the can, Kili went to take a sip. Fili knocked the end of the can up.

"Bastard!" He spluttered, dribbling beer down his shirt.

Fili couldn't contain his laughter.

"Fili, don't be a dick," Thorin scolded.

"Sorry uncle. Sorry Kili."

They settled down, Thorin slumped in the armchair and the boys curling together like cats on the sofa. He tried to stay focused on the telly, but it was mindless mush and the more his nephews drank the more touchy they became. Kili giggled when his brother kissed his neck. They whispered to each other, slurred drunken words that he couldn’t hear. Eventually they slumped sideways, Fili holding his brother close so he didn’t fall to the floor. Thorin turned up the T.V so he couldn’t hear their mumblings and tried not to look as Kili’s hands tangled in blonde hair. Trying to distract himself, Thorin texted his sister.

 

 

Boys drunk and making out on the sofa. Never felt like such a gooseberry

Whos on top

Neither. On their sides. Fili does have kilis leg over his hip tho

Thought as much

Wait youve thought about whether or not Kili would top in gay sex

In a real vague way like when you look at a stranger and think theyd look good blowing a dude

You have a point

I know

Oh hey do us a favour and put the boys to bed

The same bed or?

I dunno push them upstairs and let them decide

 

 

Thorin pulled Kili to his feet, ignoring the irritated whines from both nephews. He helped Kili up the stairs and Fili followed, making small disgruntled noises. Twisting away from him, Kili took his brother’s hand and they stumble into a bedroom together.

“Dis?” He poked his head round the door. “They went into one of their rooms.”

“Well, neither of them have any moisturiser in their room so they won’t get very far.” Dis didn’t look up from her book.

Thorin started to have a coughing fit in the doorway.

 

 

Fili was warm, pressed up against something wonderfully soft yet solid and toasty. He tightened his arms around it and it squeaked.

_What the hell?_

“Feeeeeeeeeeeee…”

Grinning, Fili kissed whatever part of his brother he could reach. Kili giggled and wiggled to kiss him back. Their lazy kiss became more sensual, until Kili rolled on top of him and sought to continue the previous day’s activity.

“Hold on a sec.” Fili lifted the waistband of his boxers, wincing at the hairs stuck to the fabric. “What did we do last night?”

Kili paled. “I-I can’t remember. Fili, we- did we-“

“I don’t think so. I’m all sticky in my boxers.”

Kili checked himself. “Oh god, me too.” He cast himself forward onto his brother’s chest, gripping his shirt.

“I’m sorry.” Fili patted his back awkwardly.

“What?”

“It shouldn’t have happened like that. I remember little things, like how flirty you looked and you squirmed and I-“

“I wanted you. You didn’t make me do anything I wouldn’t have done sober.”

“But we should have been sober.” Fili sighed.

Rolling back onto their sides, Kili allowed himself to be smooshed against his chest protectively.

 

When Dis peered into their room, her sons were intertwined and asleep. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised; they had always been close. And when their father died, especially so soon after the divorce, they had retreated into each other.

_Should I have said no? Kept them apart? But Kili only confessed because Fili pushed and Fili kissed him first. It would kill them to be separated._

They had not been fortunate, not with their grandfather dying, their parents breaking up and their father dying. So much of their lives had been spend in mourning, why shouldn’t they be happy if they had the chance. Part of Dis refused to allow this, that it was illegal and wrong and _could you imagine kissing Thorin?_   Well of course she couldn’t. Thorin ate her cake and hence was unworthy of her.

Closing the door softly, she went to make breakfast. And when Fili and Kili stumbled down having smelt bacon, she said nothing.


	12. Outfit Choices

“So how was the weekend?” Ori asked as they left the lecture hall.

“Kinda got together with Fili.”

“I guess my intervention paid off after all.”

“Hahahaha, you’re buying lunch.”

“Oh.”

 

“So Ori tells me you and Fili hooked up?” Sasha said.

Kili spluttered. “Not hooked up-that sounds so vulgar. We kissed, talked, got drunk and squished in a bed together.”

“Any action?”

“No!” He looked affronted. “Just a little-“ Kili rubbed the heels of his hand together.

Sasha nodded wisely. Ori raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I bet you’ve done way more than that with Dwalin,” sneered Kili.

Ori’s jaw dropped as he blushed.

“Ohhh so who’s Dwalin then?”

“Not now Sasha, he’s trying to change the subject.”

“Let him, I’m far more interested in Dwalin now.”

Kili sat back smugly, coffee cup warming his hands.

 

“So is Dormouse ever coming back?” Beorn asked, stirring a fresh pot of nettle soup. “It’s been a while since I saw him.”

Fili went to drink his coffee and found the mug empty. “Oh yeah, he’s coming back. We sorta started going out.”

“Good. Invite him for dinner someday.” Trying the soup, he grimaced and added some dubious looking herbs.

“Unlikely, knowing what you’ve added to that soup.”

“It’s completely natural,” Beorn protested.

“So are bears.”

 

_“Fee-“_

_“Kili-“_

_“Oh fuck, I’m close.”_

_“Come on, brother. Come for me.”_

Kili came in his boxers, eyes flying open as he arched up. He fell back onto the bed, panting and feeling his face heat up.

_Not again._

Pushing back his sheets, he counted himself lucky that his sheets weren’t dirty. Kili started to peel his sticky boxers off, blindly picking up his mobile when it started to ring.

“Ori?”

_“Nope.”_

_Of all the times for him to call._

“Oh, hi Fili.”

_“You sound a bit…off.”_

_Of course I’m off, I just had a wet dream about you._

“I’m fine. Phone woke me.” Kili pulled a clean pair of boxers from his drawer.

_“Sorry.”_

“It’s fine. It’s you.” He could practically hear his brother dithering.

_“I wondered if maybe you perhaps wanted to go for coffee or something.”_

“You mean like a date?” Switching ears, Kili pulled on a t-shirt.

_“Yeah. I mean, if you want. You don’t have to.”_

“Don’t be silly, I’d love to!” Kili closed his bedroom door behind him and went to the kitchen.

“Morning Kili.”

“Oh, morning Megan.”

_Why does she have two mugs? She hates everyone in this house._

_“Are you sure?”_

“I wouldn’t have said yes if I wasn’t.”

_“You haven’t said yes yet.”_

“Yes, I will go on a date will you.”

_“Where do you want to go?”_

Kili fumbled the kettle on. “Let’s go to Brothers.”

_“You like the irony, don’t you?”_

“Yeah. It’s the best. Now I don’t have a class this afternoon, and I know you don’t either.”

 _“How do you know that?”_ He could imagine Fili’s suspicious glare.

“Asked Beorn.”

Fili sighed. _“You two are in cahoots.”_

“I haven’t heard anyone say cahoots for at least two decades.”

_“You aren’t that old.”_

“Oh shut up. So I’ll meet you at one? At Brothers?”

_“Okay. It’s a date.”_

"Ooo, a coffee date. Very cute." Sasha poked at the rice.

"You need to help with my outfit." Kili spilt tea as he slid off the counter.

She frowned down at her bleach stained shirt. "What makes you think I know anything about fashion?"

"You're studying fashion."

"Textile design."

"Close enough." Kili hurried out the kitchen.

"It really-" she sighed.

"Ayyyy Sasha!" Megan shouldered the door open. "Wassup?"

"Could you attend to the rice? Kili has a date, wants my help with outfits."

"Didn't Kili eat my sandwich?"

"That was me."

Megan's jaw dropped. "First you make me cook my own dinner, then you eat my sandwich!"

"It's only for a minute. I'll make it up to you." Sasha kissed his cheek as she pressed the spoon into her hand.

"Is that a promise?"

"It is." Sasha winked.

 

All of Kili's clothes were on his bed. His folding chair was covered in laundry. Sasha sat on the window sill.

"This smells good. What is it?" She had picked up the crumpled hoodie from Kili's pillow.

'It's Fili's." Kili stood, hands on hips, staring at his clothes.

"What aftershave does he wear?"

"He doesn't."

"They should bottle this. Even I'm attracted to him."

Kili snatched the hoodie away.

"I'm hardly competition. I'm gay, for starters. And so’s he."

Kili glared at her before throwing the hoodie in his wardrobe. "So, I want to look hot but shy."

"Low cut top, get a bit of chest out. But a hoodie you should keep zipped up until you sit down."

Kili held a shirt up to his chest.

"Not low enough."

Kili grabbed another shirt.

"Maybe. What hoodie?"

The one he offered was greenish.

"Eww. Wrong colour. Wear Fili's."

Kili looked uncertain, but pulled it out and held it up.

"Perfect. Now I need to finish my dinner."

 

"You burnt the rice."

"I was on Instagram."

"Doing what?"

Megan held up her phone. "Posting a picture of the rice.”

 

Fili shoved the bowl in the microwave as he dialled Dis.

_“Hello pudding.”_

“Hi Mum. Me and Kili are going on a date.”

_“That’s nice.”_

“What should I do? Should I pay? Should I walk him home? What should I wear? Should I compliment him? And what on?”

_“So where are you going?”_

Fili pulled the bowl from the microwave. “We’re going to this coffee shop, Brothers.”

_“Are you serious?”_

“Kili insisted.” Hopping onto the stool, he slurped at the soup.

_“He’s an odd one.”_

“He’s your son.”

_“He’s your brother.”_

Fili huffed.

_“Whom you are taking on a date. Presumably with the end goal of sticking your dick in him.”_

Fili spat out soup. “Mum! We can do it the other way if he really wants to. But that’s not the point here.”

_“What’s the point then? Why do you want to date my son?”_

“Have you asked Kili the same questions? Did you ask him that?” The blond squeaked.

_“He told me he wants yours.”_

“Really? What did Kili actually say?” He scratched at the back of his neck.

_“He said he wants to be yours.”_

“That doesn’t mean he’s a bottom.”

_“He’s really snuggly.”_

“Did you just google ‘how to tell if he’s a bottom’?

_“It was ‘is my son a bottom’.”_

“Look,” Fili rested his forehead on his hand, “I want to make Kili happy. If he didn’t want me, then I would step aside. I would be his best man if that’s what he wanted.”

_“You’re far too noble for your age.”_

“Would you rather I just wanted to get Kili into my bed then throw him aside?”

_“It would be the last thing you ever did.”_

“You know I’ve always put Kili first, even if it meant hurting myself.”

_“But what if you had to hurt him to do want you thought was best for him?”_

“If it was best for him, then I would have to do it.”

_“You’re a good kid.”_

“Eh. I just do what I think is right.” Fili, no longer hungry, pushed his bowl away.

 

“Thorin, I may have fucked up.”

“What a shame.” Thorin didn’t look away from the screen.

“Listen to me. Fili called. He’s taking Kili out on a coffee date.”

“That’s cute.”

“I kinda told Fili that Kili wants to go on the bottom.” Dis shoved her brother’s legs off the sofa and plonked herself down.

“And did Kili tell you this?”

“He kinda implied?”

Thorin dropped the remote and turned to her.

“Well shit.”

“I know, right?”

“Are you going to tell Kili?” Thorin’s eyes drifted back to the screen.

“Nah, nah. I’m fairly certain he’d bottom anyway. No need to worry him.”

“But what if Fili says something?”

“Oh shit.”


	13. The Date

Fili politely held the door open for his brother.

“I can open doors myself, you know.” Kili frowned.

“I’m being nice. Go sit down.”

Kili flopped onto one of the sofas. The blond ordered their drinks and came to sit down. Kili leaned into his side, tangling their hands.

"Must you sit so close?"

"I like being close." Kili looked hurt.

"It's just...people are looking." Fili whispered.

The brunet shrugged and kissed him softly. "Would I have come here with you if I wanted to hide?"

Fili pursed his lips, but gave him a quick peck before thanking the waitress.

"But why me? You could date anyone you wanted."

"So you say. You didn't seem that keen." Kili picked up his mug, clutching it to his chest. "Other than snogging me in my mum's garage."

Averting his eyes, Fili took a hasty sip of his coffee. "Shit-"

"Idiot. Let me kiss it better." His brother leaned closer and Fili could feel the heat of his body as they kissed.

"You're so cute." He murmured.

"And you're a dork." Kili set his mug down. "But of course I want to date you. You're wonderful."

Fili made a face.

"Seriously. I'll show you a diary I kept when I was seven. I said I was going to marry you."

"Really?"

"Yep. I even did a drawing." He slapped Fili's hand away when he tried to pinch his cheek.

They chatted idly, Fili returning to the counter for more coffee. Kili grew warm as they sat closer and unzipped his hoodie.

"When did you grow these?" Fili reached out to pull his chest hairs.

With a yelp, Kili covered his chest.

"They're so cute. When can I see them?" One of Fili's hands settled on the small of his back and pulled him closer.

"That's a bit forward of you."

Fili made what could only be called bedroom eyes at him.

“Maybe I could send you a picture?” Kili offered, ducking his head to act coy. “Would I get a little something in return?”

“You might. Who knows?”

 

"Hi Mum."

"Hello pudding. How's your day been?"

"Me and Fili went on a date." Kili lay back on his bed, holding up the strip of photos.

"What did you do?"

"We went for coffee. I wore this low cut shirt and he pulled my chest hairs and asked when he could see them. Then we went to a photo booth."

"Fili asked when he could see your chest hairs?"

"Yeah."

"That's weird."

"It's quite forward of him. Apart from when he got drunk and that time he kissed me in the garage, he hasn't started anything."

"He kissed you in the garage?"

"Yeah, Fili was all 'I guess one more couldn't hurt' and kissed me."

"So when did you two decide to..." Kili could imagine Dis waving her hand around.

"Get together? The Friday night. I went in his room and kissed him." Kili sighed. "I'm not sure, but I think I'm in love with him."

"I know you love him. You always have."

Kili smiled sadly. "But what if it's not enough? We'll never be able to tell our friends and we won't be able to get married."

"It'll be enough, I promise."

"Okay, Mum. Gotta go, need to take a picture of my chest."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. If I'm lucky I'll get one back." Hanging up, Kili stood in front of the mirror.

He pulled his shirt off, quickly taking a picture. Making a face at the image-Kili had never been very well built-and sent it to his brother.

 

Youre so cute!

Nah im too skinny

I like it, i can hug all of you

Send me one of you

I tried

Holy shit

What? Is there a bug?

Youre really hot

You dont have to say that

When did you say we could have sex?

Like a year

Dammit

We can do that thing shirtless

;-) when?

The weekend

:-(

Im real busy

Are you busy now?

...

Lets sext

Whats that?

We send each other sexy texts

About what?

What are you wearing?

My boxers. I dont understand

Why boxers?

Just got out the shower

Tell me how you washed your body

I used some lynx stuff i got in the sale

Go and google sexting

Oh i understand

I caressed my sculpted abs

Wtf

Are you even trying

Im trying

Jeez i’ll explain it tomorrow i have an early class

Okay night x

Night babe

Eww don’t call me that

Why

I want a manly nickname

Pooh bear

Snuggems[SM1] 

Tiger

Im telling mum

You do that

 

 

“Mum, Kili is giving me stupid nicknames.” Fili whined the second Dis picked up.

_“Get over it. Your dad used to call me Chubbs.”_

“Why?”

_“Remind me to show you Kili’s baby photos. What’s he calling you?”_

Fili huffed and sat up straighter. “So I was all ‘night’ and I sent a kiss and Kili just goes ‘night babe’ and I say I want a better nickname and he suggests Pooh bear or Snuggems or Tiger and I said I was going to tell you.”

_“Fili, did you really think Kili would stop winding you up if you kissed him a couple times.”_

Fili’s mouth twisted. “Not really, I just thought we were too old for squabbles.”

_“It’s what siblings are for. Do you remember when Thorin ate my cake?”_

“Mum, it was one slice.”

_“Doesn’t matter. Would you give Kili your cake?”_

“I’d half it.”

_“Good. Never base all your happiness on one person.”_

“What does that have to do with cake?” Fili frowned.

_“Not much. Anyway, what’s this about you looking down Kili’s shirt?”_

“Oh Mum, it’s not like I haven’t seen him shirtless before.” Fili looked down at the picture on his phone. His brother had about a dozen tiny dark hairs, pale areolas and little pink nipples. He shifted in his seat.

_“Did he send you one? Did you send one back?”_

“Yeah. That’s how we got to the nicknames.”

_“Jeez, you two are dorks.”_

“We are not!” Fili said, outraged.

_“So are. I have photos of you two playing Star Wars. Maybe I should have been more worried when Kili insisted on being Leia.”_

“Do you still have our lightsabers?”

_“Yep.”_

“So how did it go?” Ori asked when Kili opened the door.

“Well, hello to you too.”

“Tell me about the date.” wheedled Ori, pushing at his backpack.

“It was great. Far greater a date than you and Dwalin ever had.”

Ori looked thoughtful. “We never really had dates.”

“What did you do?”

“We went to the museums. He’s a local too. Then we went to his place and he blew me.”

“He blew you?” Kili’s eyebrows made a bid for his hairline.

“Yeah. I’ve never been one for religion but I swear I saw God. Or maybe Odin. Could have sworn I saw a bird.”

“Doesn’t Artemis hang around with peacocks?”

“That’s Hera, and Artemis is the goddess of maidens so I doubt she was looking in. The bird was black, so could well have been a raven.” Ori stated.

“You nerd.”

“May Mjolnir strike you down.”

“That sounds like a dick joke.”

Ori shrugged. “Probably is.”

“But you guys went to museums?” Kili asked. “Who thinks that’s a good date?”

“I’ll have you know that the Bodleian holds manuscripts and illustrations from several cultural important novels.”

“Nerd.”

 [SM1]Idk it sounded cute


	14. Drinks all round

“So why are we all the way down in Headington?” Kili asked, swinging his and Fili’s joined hands.

“Well, Ori told me about you mocking the culture of the city.” Fili tried in vain to keep his hands still. “So we are going to look at the Story Tree.”

“The Story Tree? We aren’t in Year Three.”

“Appreciate the history. And I remember how much you liked The Hobbit when we were young.”

Kili sighed. “Are you sure it wasn’t you who was obsessed with it?”

“If you say so. But I was thinking to take you to Greggs on the way home,” commented Fili nonchalantly.

“That book was my childhood,” Kili enthused. “Spent hours re-enacting it in the garden.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll get you a sausage roll.”

Looping an arm around his neck, Kili pulled his brother in and kissed him. “You’re the best.”

 

Fili sat on the bench, pulling his brother down onto his lap. Kili pressed his cold nose into his cheek, laughing as Fili yelped and pulled away.

“Why would you do that?”

“My nose is cold. Needs warming up.” Kili nuzzled at the soft scarf around the blond’s neck.

“Come here then.” They kissed, pressing closer together for warmth.

“By the way,” Kili mumbled through kisses, “Ori and Dwalin invited us for a Christmas drink.”

“Mmm. Who’s Dwalin?”

“Ori’s boyfriend. Ori delighted in telling me about his oral skills.”

Fili pulled back. “His…oral skills?”

“Yeah.” Kili went back in but the blond leaned back.

“Ori’s boyfriend gave him” --he lowered his voice, looking around furtively-- “a blowjob?”

“Yes. Yes he did.”

“Is this meant to be a hint?”

“No. That’s just the last thing Ori told me about Dwalin.”

Fili pursed his lips.

“Don’t do that. You look like Mum.”

“You…What we did wasn’t enough?” Fili asked quietly.

“Fee, it was wonderful.” Kili pressed his forehead to his brother’s. “And if I really wanted a blowjob I’d stick my dick in a hoover.”

“Don’t do that. It might fall off and I won’t get to see it.”

“So now you’re interested?”

He looked like he’d been caught red-headed. “Well yeah. Someday, I might even want to touch it.”

“It is Christmas soon, Fili.”

“True. Maybe you’ll get a special present.”

 

“Is that Dwalin?” Fili whispered in his brother’s ear.

“Yep.”

Dwalin was standing behind Ori, his arms wrapped around his waist. He stood a foot taller than the ginger, who clung to his arms like a child in a car seat.

“He looks kinda scary.”

“Yep.”

Ori skipped over to greet them, throwing himself at Kili. In a more sedate fashion, Dwalin strolled over.

“Fili, I take it.” he said, extending a hand.

“Yep.” Fili went to shake the offered hand but found himself suffocated in a hug.

“Come on in, Nori just heated a fresh batch of mulled wine and Bombur made trifle,” Ori enthused.

“Hey, have you told them about…?” Kili motioned towards Dwalin.

“It was kinda an accident, but yeah.”

“Shit. What happened?”

Fili and Dwalin shifted awkwardly.

“I send Dori a sext. A really rude one. Praising his oral skills.”

Dwalin chuckled. “It’s lucky I play rugby. Dori packs one hell of a punch.”

 

“Fili! Open up!” Kili shoved a spoon of trifle in his mouth, nuzzling at his throat as his swallowed. They kissed drunkenly, and even Ori blanched and turned away.

 

“Come on Fili! Down it!” Dwalin yelled while Kili tipped the glass up.

Beer spilt down Fili’s shirt as he tried to swallow. He slammed the glass down and spluttered.

“Looks like he can’t swallow!” Dwalin slapped him on the back, making him dribble down his chin as he blushed.

 

“Ori! Ori! Do your party trick!” Kili squealed, tugging on his arm.

“What’s the party trick?” Fili asked Dwalin, blinking furiously to try and get a clear look at him.

“Not a clue.”

 

“Fili, I love you. Imma marry you someday. In Vegas. With Elvis.” Kili stumbled against him as they filed out to the taxi Dwalin called.

“Yeah.” Fili nodded. “We can take Thorin.”

“He’d love Vegas!”

 

“Dwalin, Fili doesn’t live here.” Kili whined as they pulled up outside the student housing.

“Fili is the only one who lives in that direction.” Ori pointed out, clutching his boyfriend’s shirt as he climbed out.

“What about Dwalin?”

“He’s coming home with me.” Ori leered at him.

“I’m not going to do anything unscrupulous. Ori likes a snuggle and I have a class nearby in the morning anyway,” Dwalin said when Fili reared back and pointed a finger at him.

“Oh. Okay.” Fili let his brother lean against him.

Dwalin guided them to Kili’s house, fishing out the keys from his pocket to open the door. “Can you manage?”

“Yeah. I’m not that drunk,” Fili said as he stumbled over his feet.

Rolling his eyes, Dwalin hoisted Ori over his shoulder and walked off. Giggling, the brothers climbed the stairs and fumbled open the door to Kili’s room.

“On the bed.” Kili pushed him down, pulling off his winter coat in a way that might have been seductive were he sober.

“Jeez, that was my kidney.”

“Stop whinging.” Kili situated himself on top of the blond, leaning down to kiss him before starting to roll his hips.

Sighing, Fili slid his hand up the back of his shirt, rubbing over the bumps of his spine. They pressed their foreheads together, panting into each other’s mouths. One of Fili’s hand curved around his neck, tilting his head up and baring the flesh.

“Fee…” Kili groaned as his lips fixed to his neck. “What’s that for?”

“You’re mine. I want people to see it.”

Kili had never seen this side of him. He’d always been careful not to monopolize Kili’s time, not to be jealous of Kili’s other friends. But now Fili placed his mark on Kili’s neck, and it made Kili rut against him harder.

“Fee?”

Fili sighed, arching up against him.

“When it’s time, I want you to take me.”

Fili’s hand slipped from his back.

“Fili?”

He snored.

“Dammit.” Kili poked his brother in the chest. “You bastard.” he rubbed himself through his jeans, finishing himself off. Flopping forward over Fili, he dragged an old towel over them.


	15. Fili's Confession

Fili squeezed the lump in his arms, chuckling when it squeaked.

“Good morning, baby brother.”

“Morning. And night.” Kili didn’t bother opening his eyes.

“Come on, we need food and fluid.”

“I don’t wanna.” He tried to burrow into the quilt.

Fili pulled their old towel away. “We have get up, baby.”

“If I can’t call you that, you can’t call me it either.”

Rolling his eyes, Fili hauled his brother to his feet.

 

“Jeez, you two look rough.” Sasha threw a tea bag at Kili.

“What the fuck are we gonna do with a tea bag?” Fili pulled it off his brother’s head. “Make us some tea, eh?”

Sasha clicked her tongue, but filled the kettle. She had them drink a glass of water before she fed them toast. “So you spent the night here, Fili?”

“Yeah. Dwalin was staying with Ori so I got out here,” Fili mumbled through a mouthful of crust.

“I dunno who those guys are.”

“Ori is my friend,” Kili said. “Dwalin is his hot biker boyfriend.”

“He doesn’t have a bike. And you think he’s hot?” Fili asked, put out.

“I like a bit of rough.”

Fili rubbed his stubble.

“I like you more though.” Looping an arm around his shoulder, Kili kissed his cheek.

Pushing the door open, Megan ignored them all as she walked to the fridge. Fili took a long draught from his tea and Kili stole the remains of his toast.

Gaze flicking back and forth between them, Sasha crossed her arms upon the table. “You know, Fili told me he’s in love with you.”

Fili blinked slowly. “Sasha is sleeping with Megan.”

Megan slammed the fridge. “You told this random guy?”

“Yeah, but it was insurance.”

Tossing her curls over her shoulder, Megan sat down. “I’m Megan. Physics.”

Fili inclined his head. “Fili. I’m Kili’s boyfriend and I study Law.” He glanced at Kili. “Shut your mouth already.”

“Megan? Seriously? Isn’t she a bitch?” Kili directed it at Sasha, but Megan answered.

“Yeah, I am.”

Kili still looked sceptical, but Fili shrugged. “Fair enough.” He scratched his neck.

“And Fee, why didn’t you tell me? I was so worried that you were just playing along.” Kili moulded himself to his brother’s side, reaching for his hands.

“I wouldn’t be dating you if I didn’t like you,” he tried to assure the brunet, cupping his face.

“You could have been pretending.”

“Why would he pretend?” Megan asked, turning to question Sasha when the boys didn’t answer.

Sasha shook her head. “I don’t understand guys.” she looked at Kili, still rubbing himself like a cat over his boyfriend. “What do you want for dinner?”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Fili stepped down onto the pavement, making him even shorter than Kili.

“You bet.” Bending down, Kili grabbed his shirt. It had a beer stain down one side and a crusty patch from where Kili had dribbled over him. “Give me a kiss then.”

“You haven’t even brushed your teeth yet.”

“I’m not asking for a snog, just a peck. And you know you can’t say no to me.”

Fili sighed; it was true. “Alright, come here.” He had to tiptoe and though he wouldn’t admit it, he had to crane his neck. “Better?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, tiger.” The brunet leaned against the wall and waved his brother off.

 

“Mum, let me tell you.” Kili started, almost crashing his trolley into the end of isle display.

_“Something about your drunken night out?”_

“We didn’t get that drunk. And we made sure one of us stayed sober to get us home.” He chucked a couple of reduced Pot Noodles in the trolley.

_“So what happened? You drunkenly tried to blow Fili after calling him brother?”_

Kili looked around. “No, not at all. We haven’t even done that yet and I certainly wouldn’t have tried it in public.”

_“I remember you two drunk and snogging on the sofa. Thorin looked absolutely tortured the next morning.”_

“Shouldn’t have let us drink then.”

_“It was a single beer.”_

"Mum, Fili told me he loves me."

_"Did he now?"_

"Well, not directly. Fili told Sasha and they had a deal where if Sasha told me Fili loves me then he could tell me that Sasha is sleeping with Megan."

_"So he didn't tell you directly."_

"No. What are you trying to say?" Kili rubbed his neck.

_"Nothing, Kili. Maybe he's just nervous."_

"But Fili knows I love him. Why would he be scared?"

_"Because it's a scary thing to do, Kili."_

"It isn't. It's wonderful."

_"He's in a slightly different position."_

"What?"

_"He might be worried he's taking advantage of you. Most people outside the family would think that."_

Kili swallowed, clutching the handle of his trolley. "Then we won't tell anyone. If anyone finds out, we run and start again."

 _"Is that what you would have done if I'd rejected you?"_ Dis asked softly.

"Yes. No. I don't know."

_"If Fili asks you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable-"_

"Fili can't even say the word 'sex' without blushing."

_"-anything, you tell me straight away."_

"Yes, mum."

_"Promise me."_

"I promise."

_“There’s a good lad.”_

 

Fili flopped back onto his bed. "Thorin, I'm too scared to tell Kili I love him."

_"I thought he'd have figured that out by now."_

"I told a friend of his, just kinda slipped out. She told him."

_"But you haven't told him yourself?"_

"Nope."

_"Why not?"_

"I'm scared."

" _Of what?"_

"Messing it up, I guess. Saying the wrong name or something."

_"This isn't Friends."_

"I'm sure it could happen."

 _"Fili-"_ Thorin started before sighing. _"If you can't say it, write it down. Call him when you know he's in a lecture and leave a voicemail."_

"But I want to see Kili's face."

_"Then do it in person."_

"But what if I say it wrong?"

There was a noise like someone slamming their head against a table.

_"Then I don't know what to say, Fili."_

"Have you ever told someone you love them?"

_"I did, once. But not until it was too late."_

"What happened? Are they...?"

_"They left me."_

"Shit."

_"Yep. So gather your courage and tell Kili you love him."_

"Okay. I'll go now."

_"Fili-"_

Fili put the phone down

 

Fili knocked on the door. It was late; but this was a student house. Someone would be awake. Someone he didn’t recognise opened the door, barely glancing at him as they let him in. Quickly climbing the stairs, he knocked on Kili’s door.

“What? Oh, Fili.” Kili scratched his forehead, pushing back his hair. “I just got out the shower.”

“I haven’t told you I love you.” Fili blurted.

"I kinda figured that out."

"But I never told you myself." He stuck his hands in his pockets to stop himself folding his arms.

"Go on then." Kili tried to act cool, leaning against the doorframe but the corners of his eyes crinkled.

"I love you, Kili."

"I love you too. Now come to bed." He grabbed the front of Fili's shirt.

"Kili..."

"I don't mean that. It's just it's dark out."

"But I got a return ticket."

"You want to see me shirtless?"

Fili swallowed. "I guess it is pretty dark." He let himself be dragged into the room and pressed back against the door.

The tiny height advantage Kili had over him allowed him to dominate the kiss, but soon he was reigned in. Fili relished in his brother’s submission and pulled his hips closer.

"Take it off, take it off," Fili begged as he nuzzled his damp hair.

"Can't. You're in the way."

With a sigh, they separated just as long as he had to.

"Are they sensitive?" Fili asked, breathless.

"Huh?" The brunet was too busy scrabbling at the hem of his shirt.

Fili raised his arms obediently. "Your nipples."

"Never really noticed." Kili shrugged.

"Let's find out." With a grin, Fili ran his thumbs over them.

"Oh-"

"I guess they are." As he'd hoped, he could get his arms all the way around Kili.

“Do you have a class in the morning?” Kili haphazardly pulled them onto the bed.

“Yeah. But I can set an alarm.”

“Alright, just make sure you get me off before you go.”

“I can do that.” Crowding Kili into the corner of the bed and the wall, Fili started to rut against him.

“You’re so good to me, Fili.”

“I know. I’m far too nice.”

Kili snorted, fingers finding the dip of the blond’s spine. “When are you going to let me return the favour?” he murmured, catching Fili’s bottom lip in his teeth and pulling.

Automatically, Fili bit his lip. He blushed and Kili giggled and leaned up to kiss his cheeks.

“You’re good to me, too.” Fili kissed him briefly, lifting his leg to wrap it around his waist.

"Kili..."

"Say it again." Kili asked, clinging tighter.

"Kili?"

"I love you."

Fili nodded. "I love you." He kissed up his brother's neck. "I love you. I love you."

"Fee, I'm gonna-"

Fili kissed him, keen to devour the sounds of his orgasm. Arching against him, Kili gasped for air.

“Fee.” He rasped.

“I love you, Kili.”

“I know you do.”

Fili gasped, pressing his face to the brunet’s chest. “Okay, sleep now, Kili.”

“Alright, Fee. Sleep now.”


	16. Quite a handful

“Mum, what do you mean we can’t share a room?” squeaked Kili.

They had already been home for a fortnight, sleeping draped haphazardly over each other.

“Sorry, but we have family coming over. You know how old Oin is. And are you really going to make Gimli sleep on the floor?” Dis flicked open her scissors and started to curl ribbon.

“We have airbeds. And sofas. He’s only little, he doesn’t need that much space,” Fili argued.

“He’s 14.”

“See? Tiny,” agreed Kili.

“You can share an airbed if you’re desperate.”

“Mum-“ Kili started.

“Kili, go change the sheets. Fili can help with the presents.”

“Why can’t I help with the beds?” The blond dragged himself up from his seat.

Dis pursed her lips. Sighing, Kili left the room.

“Mum-“

“Nope.”

“I was only-“

“No.”

“Mum-“

“Fili.”

“Dis-“ Fili stopped in anticipation of an interruption. “I kinda had something planned. Kili and I aren’t very…intimate…and Kili hinted at a Christmas present and I thought maybe we’d step things up a bit.”

“Isn’t it a bit soon you for two to have sex?” She was already thinking of when she could go out to buy them supplies.

“No, no, no, not sex.” Fili spluttered, cheeks reddening.

Dis held some red paper by his face. “Uncanny. I’ll think about it. Now get wrapping.”

 

“Kili, get the door!” Thorin yelled.

Reluctantly, Kili pulled away from his boyfriend. “I guess we won’t get to snog everywhere for a while.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll just make our excuses and go to bed early.” Fili kissed him softly.

“Why?”

Fili winked at him.

“When did you learn to wink?”

“Go answer the door, they’re waiting.” Fili nudged him towards the door.

Gloin politely shook his hand when he opened the door. Oin gave a hearty laugh, at what, Kili wasn’t sure, but he hugged Kili and lifted him off his feet. Gimli slouched in with the bags and raised his chin in greeting. He lifted a bag in question.

“Oin and Gloin are in my room, you’ll be in the living room.”

“And where are you?”

“Gimli, speak up.” Oin turned to hearing aid towards them.

“Bunking with Fili. Top and tails.” Kili shoved his hands in his pockets, trying not to sigh as he thought of how he and Fili would actually sleep.

“Wouldn’t want to sleep by his feet.”

“I don’t really fancy it, to be honest.”

 

Fili sat pinned between Kili and Oin. Luckily they had his bad ear, what with the things Kili was whispering into his ear.

“Kili, I’m trying to watch the film.” Fili murmured.

“We saw it a week ago.” They had a blanket over them, and with Fili’s knees bent on the coffee table no-one could see the hand on his thigh.

Fili rolled his eyes. But he tapped their foreheads together. “I’ll make our excuses. Mum?”

“Yeah?”

“Me and Kili-“

“Kili and I” Dis corrected.

“Kili and I are going to bed.”

“So early?” asked Gimli. “I’ll be up for another few hours yet.”

“Mum had us doing errands all day.”

Gimli snorted. “What are you, fifty?”

“Screw you, Gimli.” Kili sneered but let himself be tugged up the stairs.

 

Fili hopped onto the landing, keeping his brother on the step below so they were the same height. He listened for a few moments before pulling Kili in for a kiss.

After a couple seconds Kili broke the kiss to whisper. “It’s bit…public for you.”

“I thought you’d like it.” Fili said uncertainly.

“I do, I do. I just thought it was a bit odd for you.”

“You don’t like it.” He sounded crestfallen and ducked his head.

“I do like it, Fee. Let me show you.” Kili pulled the blond’s hips towards him so he could feel his erection. “You see?”

“Oh god, that makes me want to throw aside my plans and hump your leg.”

Kili snorted. “Sounds hot-what plans?”

“Your Christmas present.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m going to touch your penis,” he whispered.

“I think I’m going to like that.”

Fili grinned and leaned in to kiss his younger brother. He pressed a hand to the front of Kili’s joggers, chuckling when he pushed forward. “Keen, are we?”

“You said penis. It shouldn’t be hot but it is.”

“Dork.”

Someone cleared their throat. “Can I get past to the bathroom?” Thorin seemed to be examining the carpet.

“Oh shit.” Fili grabbed his brother and pulled him to his room. “That poor guy is gonna have a heart attack one of these days.”

Kili giggled. He always laughed at Fili, no matter how bad the joke. He sidled up to Fili and grabbed his belt, pulling him close and kissing him.

“Do you think you could…say it again?”

“What?” Fili mumbled as he kissed his brother’s jaw.

“What you’re going to do to me.”

“I’m going to touch your penis, Kili,” he whispered. The heel of his hand ground against the lump in Kili’s trousers.

Kili laughed breathlessly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Fili held his hands up.

“Okay, you can call me that but not in public.”

Pulling him back in, Fili slid a hand up the back of his shirt. He loved Kili’s skin, how the hairs raised beneath his touch. He let Kili kiss him again, bringing a hand up to cup the back of his head before stepping back.

“Alright.” Fili rubbed his hands together. “Could you take your shirt and trousers off please. And sit on the bed.”

Though he blushed, Kili started to undo the buttons of his shirt. Instead of helping, Fili watched as his brother stripped for him. They’d seen each other naked, but never before had Fili had the intent to reach into his boxers and touch him, to make Kili moan and squirm. Kili glanced at him as he pushed his trousers to his ankles.

“You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?” Fili said playfully.

Kili shrugged coyly. “And what would that be?” he asked, sitting on the bed, thighs crossing as though embarrassed.

“You’re such a tease.”

“You love me for it.”

With a suppressed smile, Fili sat next to him. He cupped Kili’s cheek but didn’t kiss him, pressing their foreheads together as he trailed his fingers down Kili’s chest, stirring up the few hairs he had. Sliding a hand down to the brunet’s bony hip, Fili squeezed just enough to make him gasp against his mouth.

“Could you, uh, take yourself out?” Fili said huskily, toying with the waistband of his boxers. Kili’s Christmas boxers. That their mum had bought and insisted they both wear on Christmas Eve.

“Aren’t you going to take any clothes of? I haven’t seen you in your undies.” Kili raised a hand to tug at his shirt.

“Oh. Okay.” Fili lay on his back to pull his trousers off, aided by his brother. Kili started laughing at his boxers while he took his shirt off. “Kili, deep breath.”

Kili wheezed and started turning red in the face. Fili sighed.

“I’m sorry, Fee. Those pants, I just…” Kili trailed off into laughter.

“Blame mum.”

“Oh, I do.”

Fili ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, okay. Just get your thing out.”

“What thing?”

Fili sighed. “Your _thing._ ”

“Say it.”

Rolling his eyes, Fili said, “Get your penis out.”

“You sound so hot when you say that.” Kili slid a hand into his boxers, checking that his boyfriend was watching before pulling himself out.

Fili was silent.

Eventually, Fili spoke. "It looks kinda weird," he said, peering at it.

“Haven’t you looked at your own?” the brunet let go of himself, letting Fili lean closer.

“Never bothered to. Always” he flicked his wrist “did it under the covers.”

"Haven't you seen pictures?”

"A couple...I googled it once but I don't really like that kind of thing. But they all looked angry."

"Angry?" Kili giggled.

"Yeah. Like they're all red and stuff and the veins are standing out. You’re just kinda there, you know?" Slowly, Fili reached forward. His fingertips bumped against his brother's erection and he pulled back uncertainly.

"Fee? You know you don't have to do this." Kili laid a reassuring hand on his arm.

"It's okay. I want to. You always start things and I think it would help you if I touched you first."

"What do you mean?" frowned Kili.

"I can understand you having doubts, whether or not I'm just playing along. I think I can reassure you like this." The blond closed his hand around the flesh. He sighed with Kili; it was warm and soft but unyielding. "I love you."

Kili smiled at him, eyes fluttering closed at Fili started to stroke.

"How's that?"

"Mmm, you know just how I like it." Kili purred, pressing closer to him.

"You want to lie down?"

Kili nodded, and let his brother guide him back onto the bed. Laying down beside him, Fili threw a thigh over his and nuzzled his neck.

“This is a great present.” Kili grabbed his arm, squeezing when Fili twisted his wrist.

“Kee, you mind if I…?” rutting against his thigh, Fili waited for an answer.

“Yeah, do it.” Kili turned to rub their faces together.

Fili moved his hand and hips in tandem. He pressed kisses idly to Kili’s shoulder, sucking tiny pink marks onto his skin.

“Fee-“

“It’s okay, Kili. Whenever you like.”

“I love you, Fili. I love you,” he panted. His nails dug into Fili’s arm, leaving marks when he climaxed and relaxed his grip.

Fili’s teeth sank into his skin as he groaned. “Oh, Kili.”

“Fili.” Kili swallowed, wetting his mouth before speaking again. “You finish?”

Fili grinned against his neck. “Oh yeah. I finished.” He pulled Kili in for a messy kiss, gasping for air and semen from Fili’s hand smearing over them.

“Looks like it’s a white Christmas.”

“Shut up, Kili.”


	17. An unhealthy interest

“Kili!” Dwalin waved at him from across the courtyard. Ori was tucked under his armpit, giggling inanely. “Friend of ours is having a party. You wanna come?” he said when Kili was close enough.

“Is there booze?”

“Yep. Dain knows how to throw a party.”

Ori tiptoed to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek. “How was your Christmas, Kili?”

“Heh.” Kili rubbed his neck. “Good. It was good.”

“You get laid?” Dwalin punched him in the arm.

“A little more than I usually do.”

“You mean you-“ Ori made a gesture.

“Fili did for me.” Blushing, Kili shoved his hands in his pockets.

“You didn’t do him?” Absently, Dwalin’s fingers trailed over a series of marks on the redhead’s neck.

“Nah. I don’t think he’s ready for that yet.” That was definitely a shame. What would Fili look like? Coughing, Kili turned his attention back to the conversation. He’d never hear the end of it if he got hard out here. “And you? Looks like you had fun.”

Dwalin leered at his tiny partner. “You bet we did. Let me tell you about how Ori-“

“No, no, no, I am not listening to this.” Kili clamped his hands over his ears.

 

“Fee, pick up the phone.” Kili whined, clinging to a tree. He was fairly certain that he had only drank three, maybe four beers, but his swimming vision said otherwise.

_“Kili? Why are you calling so late?”_

“I love you, Fee.”

_“Oh god, you’re drunk. Where are you?”_

“I dunno.” Kili looked around. “Uh-Nuffield Road?”

_“Okay, go back inside and I’ll call you when I’m there.”_

“Alright, Fee. I love you.”

Fili sighed. _“Love you too.”_

 

"Fee, I love you," Kili slurred.

"I know."

"You're the best brother ever."

"Shh..." Fili glanced around, hoping no-one had heard. Fishing the key out of the brunet's pocket, he desperately tried to ignore the way he leaned into his hand.

"Oh, hey there." Sasha flicked her lighter open as they approached the door. "Kili must be really drunk, calling you brother and all."

Fili paled. "Y-yeah, really d-drunk."

She lit her cigarette and watched as Fili propped his wobbling boyfriend against the wall. He opened the door and reached for Kili. Throwing himself forward, Kili plastered himself along his body.

"You always take such good care of me."

"We must be quiet, people are sleeping."

"But I love you," Kili said, like it was an obvious excuse.

Sasha watched them, blowing smoke from her mouth and inhaling it into her nose. Fili glanced at her as he helped Kili through the door and she winked. He blushed, and looked away.

 

Kili flopped back onto his bed, pulling his brother down between his legs.

"Fee, are you going to take care of me?"

Fili blushed as he felt Kili's erection through his clothes. He needed to leave before Kili did something he would regret.

"Come on, brother." Kili's hand cupped him through his trousers, and Fili could feel the heat rising in his face even as he pushed against his hand.

He didn't notice the sneaky fingers that slid beneath his shirt, curving to get past his jeans. All Fili registered was a sudden grip on his erection and the pleased sigh of Kili beneath him. For a second he pressed closer to the brunet, his body warm and pliant.

He pulled away.

“Kili, you need to go to bed,” Fili said firmly.

“Let me touch you, Fili.” The brunet arched his back, his hair splayed out on the pillow.

“You’re drunk.”

“But I want you.” Kili pouted. “I want to touch your cock. Won’t you let me see it?”

Fili swallowed. He wasn’t going to be able to do this. Backing out of the room, he ignored Kili’s whines.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Fili muttered as he hurried outside. “Sasha?”

“Sup.”

“Could you put Kili to bed? He keeps groping me.” Fili fished his gloves from his pockets.

“Sure. I’ve four brothers, seen enough cocks to last a lifetime.”

“Literally.” Fili waved goodbye.

 

Sasha gingerly entered the room.

“Fee?” the brunet said hopefully.

“No. Sasha.”

“Bring me Fili.” Kili tried to sound demanding but sounded like a spoiled child.

“He’s gone home.” She grabbed his foot, wrestling his shoe off.

The fight seemed to leave Kili and he mumbled desolately into his pillow. Strangely enough, when Sasha draped a blanket over him, she swore he was saying ‘brother’.

 

Kili woke up. And vomited into the bin placed thoughtfully beside his bed. The sun burned his eyes through curtain and eyelid and he simply wiped his mouth before burying his face into his pillow.

“Fuuuuuck.” He moaned, dragging the quilt up over his head. Reluctantly Kili staggered out of bed, squeezing himself and his duvet through the door. “Sasha!” he wailed, stumbling into the kitchen.

Rolling her eyes, Megan shoved a plate of barely warm toast in front of him. “Sasha’s gone already.”

“When will she be back?”

“Not until the evening.”

Kili rested his head on the table.

“Can’t you call Fili?” Megan absently tossed her curls over her shoulder.

“Yeah. I’ll call him.” He fished his phone out of the pocket of his slept in jeans, fumbling his way past the lock screen. “Fili?”

_“How are you feeling?”_

“I think I’m still drunk.”

_“Do you need me to come round?”_

“Please.”

Fili sighed. _“I’ll pick up some soup and come over.”_

 

“Mum, I think Kili has taken an unhealthy interest in what’s in my pants.” Fili said, pelvic thrusting the fridge closed.

“Oh, you’re proper dating now?” Beorn asked.

“Yeah. Been on a coffee date.”

“Oooh.”

_“And you think the only unhealthy part in all of this is his interest in your dick?”_

“I’m sure there’s something else…off about the whole thing. It’s just, he got drunk at a party last night. I had to go and pick him up. He put his hand down my trousers.” Fili tucked the box of soup into his bag, slinging it onto his back. “Bye, Beorn.”

“Peace out, Polecat.”

_“You didn’t want him to?”_ Dis asked.

“He was drunk. It wasn’t right. And when we were trying to get into his house, Kili called me brother and his friend was smoking out front and she heard and I tried to play it off like he was really drunk but I don’t think she brought it.”

_“Well, has she said anything yet?”_

“Not to me. But I’m worried she’ll say something to Kili and I’m scared of how he’ll react.”

_“Do you think it’s going to be a particularly bad reaction?”_

“When Thorin said something, Kili dropped a plate.” Fili cut through an alley.

_“I wondered what happened to that plate.”_

“Thorin told me he seemed a bit tearful and he was pretty clingy that night.”

_“How clingy is pretty clingy?”_

“Err, Kili kinda just laid on my chest. It was okay, but then Smaug came and sat on his back.”

_“Jeez.”_

“Yeah. Kili got pretty smashed last night, so I’m looking to take care of him.” Swiping his pass, Fili settled in his seat on the bus.

_“Even if he might be obsessed with what’s in your pants?”_

“Absolutely. Kili needs me.”

_“You know you’re a noble prat, right?”_

Fili sighed. “So Kili says.”


	18. Dinner Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili go out for dinner.

Fili helped his brother recover from his hangover with soup, plenty of water, and handjobs. Half the time Kili had slept, tucked against his boyfriend and smothered in blankets.

“Fili…” he mumbled sleepily, suggestively pushing his hips against him. “Get me off again.”

“Alright baby.” Fili rolled them as carefully as he could, pressing his lips to his throat to feel the soft moans. “Do you wanna go for dinner next week?”

“Sure, sure, I can do that.” Yawning, Kili slid a hand under his shirt to feel the blond’s hot skin.

“Jesus, Kee, that’s cold.”

Kili only flattened his palm to his back. “But you’re so hot.”

“And you’re not.”

“You’re a prat.”

“You love me.” Fili grinned at him.

Despite looking unimpressed, Kili conceded. “I love you.” He gasped as he came, a breathy, almost pained sound.

“It that better?” Fili sighed, hips stuttering before stopping.

“Yeah. I’m gonna sleep now. We can talk about dinner later.”

 

As it turned out, Mirkwood was a very tasteful restaurant. The walls were papered with silver trees and twisting shadows were cast by tangled lampshades. Every waiter was tall and European, and they had squinted at the wine menu before simply asking the waitress to pick. She pursed her lips and tossed her auburn hair before she sashayed off.

“I don’t think she likes us,” Fili whispered.

“Everyone likes you,” Kili retorted. “It’s me she thinks is trash.”

“But you’re my trash.”

Kili raised an eyebrow, but lifted the main course menu.

 

Fili looked across the table at his boyfriend. "You look ravishing."

The colour that appeared on Kili's cheek was surprising. "So," he took a sip of his wine, "are you going to ravish me?

Clearing his throat, Fili shuffled his chair further under the table. "Maybe a little."

Kili grinned wickedly, and Fili felt something coil in his stomach. That expression used to bring trepidation but now it brought something warmer.

"Food that good?" The waitress grinned.

“Lovely." Fili nodded.

She turned to Kili who had just shovelled a huge forkful into his mouth. He shrugged guiltly.

"Kili," Fili chastised, "smaller bites."

Haughtily, she stalked away.

“Fili, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Okay.”

“You’ve had a lot of wine, you should come with me.”

“I’ve had half the amount you’ve had.”

“Come to the bathroom.” Kili looked at him from beneath his lashes.

Fili coughed into his napkin. “I have had rather a lot of wine actually.”

 

Kili grabbed his brother by the collar, hauling him forth to press their bodies together. “You think it’s funny to tease me like that and not follow through?”

“I was expecting you to wait until we got home.” Fili crowded his brother into a stall, falling upon his neck.

“Don’t want to wait. Want you now.”

“This wasn’t what I had in mind for my first handjob, but c’est la vie.”

“You’re going to let me touch it?”

“Yeah. Touch me, Kili.” Fili took his hand, guiding it down his jeans. He grinned against Kili’s neck.

“Can I take it out? I bet it’s lovely.”

“It’s a penis, Kili. I don’t think they’re meant to be attractive. But sure, take it out .”

Kili pushed him away a little, hands working at his belt. He was panting when he pulled it out.

“Oh, fuck, Fili.”

“What? Is it malformed?”

“It’s wonderful. Jesus, how have you kept this hidden for so long?”

Fili shifted nervously. “I dunno if we should be doing this here.”

Quickly, Kili let him go. “We can just go back and finish dinner.” He looked frightfully earnest in a way Fili hadn’t seen since the brunet had first confessed his feelings .

“But I’m certain I should be doing it with you. And we are in uni, we should be doing silly things like this.” Gently, he pulled Kili’s hand back to him. “Can I touch you?”

“Go on then,” Kili said cheekily.

With a quick kiss, Fili pulled him from his trousers. He smiled at the now familiar sight, before tentatively pressing them together.

“Oh, that’s new.”

“I thought it might be nice. Like how we normally get off together.”

One of Kili’s hands reached down to grip them. “It’s pretty good.” He pulled at the back of Fili’s neck, kissing him.

“You like that?”

Kili rutted against him, seemingly trying to press their whole bodies together. “You feel real good, Fee. It’s all warm and they look so pretty together.”

“They do, don’t they?” Fili breathed, looking down at them. ”They look so similar.”

With a breathy giggle, Kili peppered kisses over his brother’s face.

“Oh man, did you see those idiot kids looking at the wine menu?” Someone pushed the bathroom door open. Zips were undone and the men started to piss.

Freezing, the brothers’ eyes darted towards the voices.

“Jesus, why come here if they can’t use a menu properly?”

Fili could feel his boyfriend’s body stiffening against him. It had taken Kili a huge amount of work to even pass his exams, let alone with grades good enough for university. Tentatively, Fili squeezed their lengths, nuzzling at his face. Kili smiled weakly .

“Oh, there’s this 2000 Kopke Port on the menu.”

“Oh, is there? We should try it.” They continued chatting as they left.

“Kee? Are you okay?” Fili cupped his face, making the brunet look at him.

“I’m fine. Really.”

Kissing him, Fili let go of them to hug Kili. ”I love you, Kili. You knew this was going to work even when I didn’t.”

“That’s cause you’re a dork. But I love you for it.” Kili, perked up, took control of the situation. Starting to rut against each other, they fell back against the wall. “Fee-“

“I’m close-“

“I’m gonna-“ Kili’s head dropped to rest on his shoulder as he panted.

Following, Fili pressed a kiss to his ear .

“I’ve never got off in public before.” Straightening up, Kili grimaced at the mess they’d made of their clothes.

“Me neither. I guess we can just button our jackets up.”

“People are still going to see.”

“Then we run back to our table and then we run out.”

Kili nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

Naturally, their waitress was disapproving.

 

"I didn't like the way she was looking at you," Fili said, dithering on his brother's doorstep.

"What way?"

"Like you were a slab of meat."

Kili snorted. "What's so wrong with that?"

"You're a person, for starters. And you're mine ."

Instinctively, Kili pressed closer to him. "Maybe you should leave a mark ."

"Are you sure?" Fili tried to hide his interest.

Kili's head tipped to the side in answer.

"Where?" Leaning in, Fili inhaled. The brunet smelled clean, of washing powder and soap. And he realised with a stirring in his gut that Kili was wearing the cologne Fili had given him when he turned 18.

"High."

Kili was his. It didn't matter how many people looked at him like he was something to devour; what mattered was the way he sighed when Fili's lips touched his skin.

"It's kinda weird," Kili said thoughtfully. "But nice." His hand lifted to stroke the back of his neck, playing with the short, soft hair.

"You like it?" Fili asked, lips brushing over his skin.

"I'll tell you if I didn't."

"Promise."

"Jeez, you sound like mum."

"Promise," Fili insisted, pulling back to look him in the eyes.

Sighing, Kili kissed his nose. "Promise."

The mark was barely visible in the dim light. Fili pressed his mouth to it again, hands clutching at Kili's clothes.

"I love you, brother," Kili whispered.

"Don't say that," the blond said, voice suddenly harsh.

"I want to say it. I don't want to ignore that you're my brother and I love you."

"Kili, please." He pulled away, backing into the opposite wall.

"Fi-"

Fili shook his head and walked away. Rubbing the mark on his neck, Kili let himself into the house .


	19. Kiss and make up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys find a solution to the incest thing.

"Mum, I've upset Fili."

_"Uh-oh, your first lovers' tiff."_

"I encouraged him to give me a love bite and while he was doing it I said 'I love you, brother' and he was like 'whoa what the hell' and ran off.” Kili sat on his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest.

_“I’m not surprised. Did Fili say anything before he ran off?”_

“He kinda maybe told me not to say it again.” He rushed the words together.

_“And did you?”_

“No. I said something about not ignoring that we’re brothers.”

_"Kili, you knew it was making him uncomfortable but you kept going. You should have stopped."_

"But I like it." Kili felt himself blushing, having admitted something so secret.

_"This isn't just about you. You need to think of Fili too."_

"I don't want him to deny it. I don't want him to pretend we aren't brothers."

_"Do you want Fili because he's your brother, or do you want your brother because he's Fili?"_

Kili swallowed. "Look," he said, closing his eyes, "ever since I started to like Fili in that way, I've developed a thing for those types of relationship."

_"So?"_

"I love him because he's Fili. Him being my brother just gives things an edge."

_“Well, if Fili doesn’t like it, don’t call him brother in bed. Or while you’re kissing, particularly close hugging, whispering sweet nothings-“_

“Mum, no-one does that anymore.”

_“-sexting, phone sex, going on a date, around anyone who knows you’re dating, around frail elderly people-“_

“Mum! I get it, okay?”

_“Okay.”_

 

"You need any more counselling? Fili's waiting to talk to me."

 _"Oh. Okay. Don't tell Fili what I said."_ Kili asked.

"I won't."

Dis hung up and dialled her eldest son. "Fili, your brother has an incest kink."

There was a cacophony of spluttering as Thorin and Fili choked on their dinners.

_"What? Did Kili tell you this?"_

She could tell Fili was blushing, looking around himself furtively.

"He told me. And asked me not to tell you."

_"Then why tell me?"_

"I had a talk with him about whether he loves you 'cause it's you or because you're his brother and he said being related just makes it kinky." Dis glanced at Thorin. He looked a little ill.

_"What?"_

"Okay, those weren't his actual words but that's what he meant."

_"Kili couldn't have meant that."_

"He said it gave things an edge."

Fili was silent but for a deep sigh.

“Do you like it too?”

_“Err…I didn’t want to be the first to say it, but yeah.”_

“Ah. You should tell him, cause I just told him to never call you brother again.”

_“But I’m not sure we should be saying stuff like that in bed though. We shouldn’t really even be together.”_

Dis swallowed. She knew life was going to be tricky for them, and the Durins had never been lucky in love. “Look, I have never seen two people more suited for each other. You have never been so happy, either of you.”

_“But I’m supposed to protect him, not fu- bed him.”_

“Jeez you sound so proper. Loosen up a little.”

_“Last time I loosened up, Kili and I frotted in a restaurant toilet.”_

“You’re young. Aren’t you meant to do things like that?”

_“I guess so. I haven’t mentioned it to Kili, but I’m kinda feeling bad about it. It seems sleazy, and it’s the first time Kili even saw me.”_

She thought back to the first time she’d seen a penis in an intimate setting. It looked like an angry shrivelled snake. “Well, how did Kili react?”

_“He was super excited.”_

“Good, good. Thought he would be.”

_“He’s weird.”_

Dis cleared her throat.

_“Alright, alright. I’m weird too.”_

Standing, Dis collected hers and Thorin’s dishes. “You should tell Kili you feel the same. Save yourselves a lot of angst.”

_“Okay. I’ll tell him tomorrow evening so I can do it in person.”_

“Alright. He’ll probably go a bit crazy with lust.”

Fili dithered. _“Sure. I think I can handle that.”_

Fili knocked on the door, promptly at 7:30. He accepted a quick kiss from Kili before following him to his room. Sitting on the bed, he motioned for Kili to join him.

“Kili, we need to talk.” Fili tried to sound light hearted, but he could see his brother start to panic. “Kili, Kili, it’s okay. I just want to tell you something.”

Kili narrowed his eyes. “Will I like it?”

“You will. You remember what you said to Mum a couple days ago. The incest kink thing.”

“She told you?” asked Kili, horrified.

“Yeah, she told me.” He swallowed. “I, uh, I like it too.”

Kili blushed.

Reaching out, Fili cupped his face. He leaned in close, inhaling Kili’s scent and just brushing their lips together. “Brother.” He sighed, kissing him softly.

“Brother,” Kili whispered, moving to press their bodies closer. “Can I see you again? I didn’t get a very good look in the bathroom.”

“Yeah. I want you to see it. I want you to touch it.”

“You want your precious baby brother to jerk you off?” Biting his lip, Kili looked up at him through his lashes.

Fili was literally scarlet. His eyes were wide and he was panting already. Visibly swallowing, he seemed to settle into a role as he laid back against the pillows. “Go on then.”

Licking his lips, Kili reached for his belt. He moved slowly. His hands pushed open Fili’s jeans, fingers curling into the waistband of his boxers.

“Get on with it, brother. Someone might find us. Do you know how much trouble we’d get in?”

Kili hesitated for a second. But soon he regained his confidence, pulling at his boxers until he could see the base of his penis. It was thick, as wide as one of Kili’s bony wrists. “Oh, Fee. It’s lovely.”

“You’re desperate for it, aren’t you?” Fili pushed his hands away and pulled himself out. He let himself bounce before it settled.

Eyes fixed, Kili nodded. “I-I wanna touch it.”

Fili took hold of his wrist, pulling his hand closer. The tips of his fingers brushed the flesh and Kili’s hand curled around it automatically. “It’s so hard.”

“It’s attracted to you. It wants you to touch it.”

“It likes me?” Kili asked, full of hope

“It does. Wants to be inside you.” Fili was worried how his brother would react.

Tentatively, Kili leaned down. He wet his lips, and flicked his tongue out to lick the head.

“Not yet, Kili. Just your hands.” Fili tipped his chin up with his fingers.

His lips were red from biting. “But I want it inside me.”

“Wait.”

Kili pouted. But he settled back onto to his knees and started to pump his fist. He was fixated on his task, watching the skin shift as his hand moved. Tangling a hand into his hair, Fili pulled him in for a kiss.

“Nearly there, Kee. Just a little more.” He gasped, their faces mushed untidily together.

“Do it, brother, let me see it.” Kili begged, letting his brother hide in his neck. He wanted to watch, to see how good he could make Fili feel.

“I love you, I love you so much, Kili, so good oh-“ With a strange, high-pitched noise, Fili finished.

“There we go, baby. Deep breaths.” Kili stroked his arm. “Was that good?”

Still breathless, Fili kissed him messily. “Lemme do you, wanna make you feel good.” He pulled frantically at his trousers, his earlier persona gone with his desperation for Kili’s skin. Hauling Kili onto his lap, the blond started to jerk him quickly.

“Oh fuck, Fee, shit, shit, Fili” Kili’s sounds were perfect, Fili thought. Kissing his throat, Fili started to suck on the skin to give him the mark he’d wanted.

“You’re wonderful Kili, I want you I love you I need you, cum for me, Kili, come on”

Kili whined as he curled against him. It was a gloriously pained noise, one that made Fili crush their bodies together despite the mess.

“Wow.” Kili panted. He paused to wet his lips. “That was amazing.”

“I have never been so turned on in my life,” agreed Fili.

“Glad I could help.”


	20. Revalation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an incident, the relationship progresses.

Sasha dithered outside Kili’s door. It had been bugging her for a while, the similarities of Kili and his boyfriend’s profiles, the way they both snorted when they laughed too much. Not to mention Kili drunkenly calling Fili brother and asking for him when Sasha put him to bed. She knocked. Seconds later, Kili opened the door. His face fell a little when he saw it wasn’t Fili.

“Sasha, what can I do for you?”

“I’ve got something to ask you.”

Kili nodded. “Sure, come in.” He sat on the bed, leaving the chair for Sasha.

“I won’t dally around. There’s no point dancing around the issue.”

Frowning, Kili started to worry.

“Is Fili your brother?”

Kili thought he might be sick.

“I mean, I don’t really mind so long as you’re happy, but I just find it a bit creepy.”

Staring at the bed, Kili kneaded at the sheets.

“Kili?” Sasha awkwardly patted his shoulder. “He’s not…forcing you to do anything, is he?”

“No.” He managed, stomach twisting at the thought. “It’s entirely consensual.”

Nodding, Sasha shuffled away awkwardly.

 

Kili burst into his room, face planting onto Fili’s lap where he sat on the bed .

“Kee, what’s wrong?” Fili pushed his hair back from his face, pausing when he saw the tears on his brother’s face. “Come on, you need to tell me.”

“Sasha. Sasha knows.”

Fili paled. “What-“ he cleared his throat. “What did she say?” He stroked Kili’s back soothingly.

“Not much, just checked you weren’t forcing me into anything.”

Fili’s hands froze for a second before continuing their path.

“I love you, Fee.” Kili twisted up to kiss him. “I always have.”

“I know, baby. It’s okay.” Running his fingers through the dark hair, Fili pulled his hair back to try and reassure him.

“I want to be here. Want to be with you, want to touch you.” Kissing him and pulling on his lip, Kili wiggled back down to his lap.

“Kili. Kili!”

Kili looked up at him. He was breathing quickly, huge shuddering breaths as he fought for control and tears still shining on his cheeks.

“I know you want to be here, I know. I want you too. But you’re upset and you’re only going to upset yourself more. You need to talk to me, explain what’s wrong.” Fili cupped his face, kissing him firmly. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Kili sniffled and reached for a tissue from the bedside table. Taking it from him, Fili held the tissue to his nose and encouraged him to blow.

“Oh, Fili. I’m such an idiot. I don’t even know how this happened.”

“Don’t worry about it. Everything will be better in the morning.” Fili picked up his duvet from where it was tossed beside the bed, pushing at his brother until he laid down. “I don’t imagine Sasha will tell anyone.”

“But if she figured it out, won’t others?” Kili mumbled, smooshing his face into his boyfriend’s chest. He slid a hand up the back of his shirt, drinking in the warm skin and pressing his palm flat.

“Hopefully it’s like asking people if they’re pregnant. Don’t do it unless you want to get punched in the face.”

“You’re suggesting it’s a social faux pas to ask someone if they’re dating their brother?”

“Yep.”

“Seems legit.” Kili yawned. He let Fili pull the duvet over them. “But you haven’t turned off the light.”

“You want me to get up and do it?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so.” Fili kissed his forehead, and when Kili leaned up he obliged him with a kiss on the lips. “I love you, brother.”

“Love you too, you kinky bastard.”

 

The next morning, Fili squeezed his armful to wake him up. “Kili? Do you have a class this morning?”

“Not all day,” Kili mumbled, absently pressing his groin into his boyfriend’s thigh.

“Looks like someone’s awake.” Sliding a hand into Kili’s slept in jeans, he let his fingers meander over the soft skin. “There’s something I’d like to try.”

“Anything, Fee.”

Fili kissed him, fingers not granting any consistent pleasure. “I’d like to put my mouth on you. Want to make you delirious.”

Though he yawned in his brother’s face, Kili seemed pleased by the prospect. Fili pushed back the covers and wiggled down Kili’s body. He was hard in anticipation, pressing his hips into the mattress. Eagerly undoing his trousers, Fili squeaked in surprise as he slid off the bed.

“Fee?”

“Fell off the bed. Sit up, would you?” Fili settled on the floor and nestled between his brother’s thighs.

With a huff, Kili complied. The blond looked amazing on his knees, hair askew and face flushed with excitement. Fili pulled him from his boxers and his eyes lit up. It was so precious, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled and how he nervously tucked his hair back. Kili couldn’t help but touch. He ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it further, pressed a thumb to the seam of his lips. It was easily accepted and Kili swallowed thickly.

“I’ve wanted to do this for weeks. I know how much you love the things I say. Thought you’d like to experience my mouth even more,” he said softly.

Kili nodded. “I love you,” he mumbled, still bleary from sleep.

“You’ll love me even more after this.” Fili winked, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to the head of his cock.

“Nah. I can’t love you any more, it’s impossible.”

He flashed a grin at Kili before flicking his tongue out. It barely connected, but Kili gasped.

“Fee…”

“I’ve been reading up on how to do this,” murmured Fili, lips brushing against the foreskin. “Watched some videos too.”

Kili’s fingers tightened in his hair, pulling his head back and diving down for a kiss. He bit at Fili’s lips, pulling until he moaned into his mouth. “Tell me about it. Tell me how you watched porn and touched yourself as you imagined sucking me off.”

“I wanted it, Kili. I wanted it down my throat so badly.” He wrapped a hand around it, giving it a slow stroke from the base to the head.

“Then do it.”

“For you. Only for you, Kili.” Fili pulled at his trousers. “Take ‘em off.” They fought to tug the jeans down over his thighs and off his feet. He grinned at the fresh expanse of skin and ran his nails over his thighs.

Fili finally took the head into his mouth, lips sealing tightly around the flesh. He kept up the suction as he went deeper. One of Kili’s hands flew to his mouth to keep himself quiet. It had to hurt, the way he dug his teeth into his fingers. But he couldn’t feel it, not while Fili had his hand between his thighs. Fili drew back, pulling a laboured through his nose before plunging down again.

“Oh fuck, Fee…” he groaned.

Fili’s eyes flicked up at him. They were dark and wide and lustful, his lashes casting shadows on his cheeks. He nodded.

He dragged down a breath, forced out almost instantly as Fili’s teeth scraped accidently over the head. Kili swore. His head tipped back and he spilled. “Oh gods, Fili.” He panted, his head dropping forward to look at his brother. “You’re perfect, so wonderful, I love you.”

Fili grinned up at him. Then he swallowed.

“Get up. Gonna get you off.” Kili grasped his shirt and pulled him up.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Sex isn’t a favour, Kili.”

Kili rolled his eyes. “I like touching your cock. And I know you like me touching it.”

Fili nodded, and licked his lips. He found himself dragged down on the bed and his trousers were fumbled open.

“Go on, brother. Make me cum,” he said, pulling Kili in for a kiss as his fingers wrapped around his cock.

Fili tasted salty. The brunet moaned into his mouth, hips rocking against his thigh even though it was way too soon.

“Yes, Fili, yes. Want your cum, want to taste it.”

“I’ll cum for you, baby, for you.”

“Big brother,” Kili purred in his ear. “I bet my cock tasted good.”

Fili gasped, back arching as he thrust into Kili’s suddenly slick hand.

With a delighted gasp, Kili raised his hand to his lips. He cleaned his hand with delicate laps of his tongue. Fili leaned in and kissed. Kili’s mouth opened in surprise and his boyfriend’s tongue slid in and Fili groaned.

”I taste good.”

Kili laughed; and slapped his on the arm.


	21. Chapter 21

Kili practically skipped out of Beorn’s house all the way down to the chippy. The other customers were giving him strange looks but he didn’t care.

He had just received oral sex for the first time. From Fili. Wonderful Fili. His gorgeous brother Fili.

Kili beamed as he clutched his little polystyrene container to his chest. He couldn’t wait to tell Ori all about this delightful experience, and ask for tips of how to return the favour.

He hammered on Ori’s door, wiggling with excitement.

“Jesus, kid. Got ants in your pants?”

“I got a blowjob!”

“Good for you. Now who are you here to see?”

Kili looked up. “Oh. Sorry. I’m a friend of Ori.”

“Bofur.” The guy stroked his sparse moustache. “Ori’s on the top, last room to the right.”

“Thanks.” Kili stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

He trundled up the stairs, knocking on Ori’s door. There was some muffled giggling and Dwalin stepped out.

“I’ll be having a ciggie.” Dwalin nudged him in the ribs as he passed.

“Ori, are you decent?” Kili called.

“I’ve put some boxers on, if that’s what you mean.”

Rolling his eyes, Kili entered the room. He gingerly removed a pair of boxers before he sat on the chair. “I have news.”

Ori turned to him. “News? Is Fili involved?”

Grinning, Kili open his little box. “Nugget?”

“Oh, go on. So tell me the news.”

Kili squirmed excitedly. “Fili gave me a blowjob.”

“Oh man! Good for you!”

“I know. It was so good, I lasted like a minute,” Kili enthused around a mouthful of chips. “Now, tell me everything you know about performing oral sex.”

 

When Dwalin returned, he found Ori egging Kili on while he tried to deep throat a banana.

“No, no, no. Too much too fast. Focus on the head, the shaft, stuff that’ll drive him wild without having to take the whole thing. Believe me, I’ve been deep throated and it was nice, but you don’t need it to satisfy your partner.”

“You don’t?” Kili asked hoarsely. He swallowed, rubbing his throat.

“Ori, what have you been telling him?” Dwalin took the banana and gestured for Kili to sit on the bed. “Just because I can do it, and you like it, doesn’t mean it’s essential.”

“You can deep throat?” Tucking his feet beneath him, Kili shifted to get comfy.

Rolling his eyes, Dwalin cleared his throat. And proceeded to deep throat the banana.

Kili and Ori looked on in interest as he removed it. “He makes it look so easy. Can you do it?” Kili nudged his friend.

“Nah. But Dwalin is bigger.”

“Yeah. Ori has the sweetest little dick.” He smiled sweetly at his boyfriend.

“So what should I be doing instead?” Kili asked, pulling out his phone to take notes.

“Okay,” Dwalin started. “You want to pay a lot of attention to the head, that’s the most sensitive part. Is Fili circumcised?”

Blushing, Kili shook his head.

“Alright, so you’ll want to get beneath the foreskin. Roll it back like when you wash, then very gently take it in your mouth. Suck very gently. Very gently, it’s so sensitive that it can get a little sore. Keep your teeth well away and look up. Make eye contact, he’ll love it.”

Kili nodded.

“While you’re doing that, you want to stroke the shaft, like so.” Dwalin demonstrated on the banana, twisting his wrist as he moved his hand up and down. “It can be a bit tricky if you’re not used to doing so many different movements at the same time.”

Kili looked down at his notes. Then looked up again.

“You want to practise?” Dwalin held out the banana.

 

That evening, Fili knocked on his brother’s door. He could see Kili bounding up to the door through the glass. He looked terribly excited to see him. That normally meant he had something planned, and normally it was something bad.

“Fili, quick, come on.” Grabbing his hand, Kili led him to his room.

“You sound a little hoarse, are you coming down with something?” Fili frowned.

“Jesus, stop worrying. You sound like Mum.” Kili shut the door behind them, leaning into the blond.

“Stop saying I sound like Mum. You’re making it weird.” He let himself be pushed back onto the bed.

“I do have a bit of a sore throat, but I’m not ill. Let me show you.” Kili knelt between his thighs, mirroring their positions from that morning. “I’ve been…practising.”

“On what?” Leaning back on his hands, Fili watched as his younger brother undid his belt and jeans. It was amazing to be able to freely watch what he’d guiltily imagined for years.

“A banana. And do you have to stare so intently?”

“I can’t help it. Do you know how long I’ve thought about this?”

“I don’t know. How long have you thought about this?” Kili asked coyly.

“Maybe longer than I should have. You remember that day we went to the seaside with Thorin and you had that ice lolly?” Fili knew Kili understood when he grinned.

The brunet sighed when he pulled Fili from his trousers. “So you mean I did something like…this?” His tongue darted out, just tasting the delicate skin of the head. “I think I like it. Maybe I should have a bigger taste?” He looked up for approval.

Fili nodded, and was treated with a long lick from root to tip.

“It’s nice. Really nice.” Kili feigned surprise. “I think I’m going to enjoy this. Very much.” He winked, taking the head into his mouth.

Fili’s chin dropped to his chest as he looked down. Fingers digging into the duvet, he desperately tried to focus on something else.

“Look at me, Fili. Please, I want you to look,” Kili asked, looking up at him with wide, earnest eyes. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t last very long. We have years to practise holding it back.”

“Years…” echoed Fili. He hunched forward over Kili’s face, leaning down to kiss him. His fingers reached back into his hair, keeping their faces together.

“Mmm…Fee,” Kili pushed at his shoulders. “I gotta job to do. We can snog later.”

Fili huffed but let his brother return to his task. He kept his hands on Kili’s face, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones, fingers rubbing circles on his scalp. The soft slurping sounds Kili made were equal parts endearing and filthy.

Kili looked up at him. A flush had settled across his nose and cheeks, eyes wide and dark and Fili could almost see himself in them. Kili’s head tipped back, exposing where he took Fili between his lips. Gasping, Fili bent forward, curling over the dark head between his thighs as he came. He grasped Kili’s shirt, pulling him up and in to kiss. Kili pushed him away urgently. His face turned from pink to red as he averted his eyes. Gesturing vaguely at his mouth, he swallowed.

“Sorry. There was, uh, more than I expected.”

Fili stared at him. “Really? I just thought I’d missed some of yours.”

“No, no, you got it all.” Kili murmured, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before leaning in again.

It was like Fili was hungry, hands on his brother’s face, tipping his head back. He set his fingers to work on Kili’s weak spot behind his earlobes, an arm wrapping around him to pull Kili down with him.

Kili tasted salty. It was unfamiliar and Fili didn’t like that, wanted to know what Kili tasted like after he’d been on his knees. Pushing a thighs up between Kili’s, the blond encouraged him to rut. These were the orgasms Fili loved best. Desperate and fought for and he could feel more than hear Kili growling into his mouth. For a second Kili went still and gasped, shaking on top of him.

“Fee,” he panted, pausing to try and wet his mouth. “I wanna do that every day.”

“Go down on me or get off humping my thigh?” Fili asked cheekily. He proceeded to ignore Kili’s expression.

“Now, you know you’re my favourite big brother?” Kili said, sliding off him onto the bed.

With a huff, Fili got up and started to tuck himself away.

“Could you go make me a cuppa?”

“And why should I?” Fili asked, even though he knew the answer.

“’Cause, brother, that was the first time I’ve sucked a dick, and it was yours.” He ran a thumb along his lower lip, pretending there was residue left from their activities.

Fili sighed. He shuffled off to the kitchen.

 

Sasha glared at him. Fili turned red and stared at the counter as he prepared the tea. He glanced at her and back to the mugs. Opening his mouth, he closed it again.

“You made Kili cry,” Fili said. “You know that? He came to me and he cried. I haven’t seen Kili cry since we watched Marley and Me.”

“Like you won’t make him cry someday,” Sasha replied.

“Hey, I haven’t made Kili cry since he tickled me and I accidently kicked him in the face. But it was one time!”

She shook her head, lip curling. “I’m not having this discussion. Like I said to Kili, I don’t care who you fuck so long as no-one gets hurt.” Sasha’s threat was clear. “Now hurry up and get back to your brother,” she hissed.


	22. sexy add-ons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are just some sexytimes I drabbled for the CW boys

"So I've looked it up and it says that having you on your front is most comfortable for you." Fili started.  
"I want to be face to face."  
"But the guide-  
"Screw the guide. I want to see you."  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
"You won't." Kili said with conviction.  
"How can you be so sure?"  
"I, ah, I've been touching myself. Back there."  
Fili swallowed. "And? What was it like?"  
"It was great."  
"Great?"  
"I may have said your name a few times."  
"Look. We'll do it however you want. It's your first time."  
"Fili, your virginity is important too. We have to take both of us into consideration."  
"Okay. I want to do it at home."  
"Me too. Your bed though." Kili said.  
"Why mine?"  
"That's where I always went for comfort." They laced their fingers together.  
"Alright. I think we should go out for dinner."  
"I want to stay in."  
"I'll cook."  
"You can't cook."  
"Mum can cook."  
"That's too weird. We'll order in."  
"It's weird for Mum to cook?"  
"It is if she's cooking for the night we first have sex."  
Fili blushed. "Oh. That is a bit weird."  
"It's really not that big of a deal, Fili. It's not like it's the only time we're going to do this."  
"It's only proper."  
"You know I'd jump on you now if you let me."  
Smiling, Fili placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "I just want to do it right."  
"What's the right way, then?"

 

 

Kili lay sprawled across his brother, every inch of them pressed together. Neither of them were focusing on the film but the more important task of slowly rutting against each other. Fili was looking up at him, breath coming short and fast.

"Oh, not on the sofa." Dis pulled their blanket away. "Up to your room, I have a show at eight."  
Blushing, they scrambled up the stairs.

 

"I still can't believe I have you." Kili murmured, fingers light over his cheekbones.  
"I love you, Kili. Believe it."  
He smiled, but there was something in his expression that Fili didn't like. It was the same thing that had lurked behind his eyes when he told Fili about Sasha.  
"I love you, brother."  
Pink flooded Kili's cheeks. "Brother?"  
Fili nodded.  
"Brother." Kili sighed shakily and kissed him.  
He clawed at Fili's back when he started to move, head falling back onto the pillow.

Fili pushed Kili's thighs higher, drinking in the soft mewls he made at the change in angle.   
“What's that?”  
Something multicoloured bobbed in the corner of his vision. He stopped moving to look at it properly.  
"Fee!" Kili whined.  
"Why are you wearing socks?" He looked at the other foot. "Odd socks?"  
"My feet get cold."

 

"Come on, just a little more."  
"I can't, Kee." Fili wrapped a hand around his brother's erection, desperate to make him cum first.  
Kili choked on his own breath, arching up and knuckles turning white as he gripped at the sheets and finally he came with a low moan.

Fili shifted on the mattress. Kili threw his head back as he shouted.  
"Kili? Are you hurt?" Fili pulled out quickly. "Kili?"  
"Put it back!" Kili wailed, pulling his brother's hips towards him.  
"Are you hurt?"  
Kili growled at him, trailing into a hiss as he was filled again.

"Kili, I'm gonna cum." Fili rested his head against his brother's shoulder.  
"It's okay. I can finish after." Kili stroked from his neck to the end of his back, feeling how Fili's hips pushed into him.  
"Kili...oh fuck, fuck-" he gasped. "Oh my god."  
"You okay?" 

 

"Can you get me a six-inch?" Kili asked, pulling his brother by the hand to Subway.  
"I'd get you a footlong if you want."  
Kili turned to look at him.  
"That's a bit forward for you, Fili. You can give me your six-inch when we get home."  
Fili pouted.  
"Don't be like that."


End file.
